In Another Time, In Another Life
by AnEarthlyKnight
Summary: Monica's been in love with Remus since she realized he was a werewolf. But now that she's dead and he's moving on, she can't help but wonder if becoming a ghost was a bad idea. Remus/ OC AND Remus/ Tonks. Not beta'd. Rated T for language.
1. Changing

_Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Harry Potter. It belongs to J.K. Rowling and her associates. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I do, however, own my OC, Monica Devlin. Do not steal this work. _

_AN: This is a short Fanfic that just came to me one night. I always wondered about ghosts in the Potterverse, and the reason they would choose to become a ghost. Plus, I love the Marauders, so this just fit like a glove. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated, especially since I haven't read all the books (*legasp!* It's a cardinal sin, I know. I'm working on it!) so I know next to nothing of Remus and Tonks (the movies are CRAP for their characters -.-). If I've got facts or things wrong, lmk. I might keep 'the mistakes, as this IS a fanfic and can happen however I want to, or I might change it.  
_

_I also feel I have to warn you, this fic is kinda depressing. that's just the way I roll. But I'm regularly a pretty happy person. Promise! And there's some language, but I personally don't think it's too bad. ALSO, The twilight comment in here is not meant to offend. I actually love Twilight (Team Jacob!), but I really couldn't resist... _

_Anyway, Sorry for the long note. Enjoy my fic!_

_**In Another Time, In Another Life**_

_Chapter 1: Changing_

_Lord knows it would take another place, another time, another world, another life..._

~Beyonce, "Best Thing I Never Had"

Remus Lupin was preparing to go to sleep when a familiar translucent figure floated through the old wooden motel door and into the room. He sighed, sitting on his bed and looking up at the figure with his sad and scared eyes.

"What's the matter, Loopy?" The ghost asked, amusement and concern colouring her voice as she used one of her many nicknames for him. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

He shook his head, smiling only slightly at her joke. "I'm just worried about you Mo," he whispered, running his fingers through his light brown hair. In the glow of the translucent ghost light both the youthful bronze and aging grey highlights glimmered faintly.

Remus knew talking to ghosts would seem strange to Muggles, but it was only that he was close friends with a ghost that would weird out a wizard. This particular ghost had been his best friend back when he was in Hogwarts, especially 6th year when they had dated. She was the first to discover, in 1st year, that he was a werewolf, and had helped him through every single one of his transformations faithfully, never scared and always comforting, until 5th year when his friends James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew became Animagi to help him with his transformations. When he finished Hogwarts she resumed sitting with him every full moon, talking and helping him through every transformation.

Monica Devlin was a Gryffindor, like himself, and she was unique. If she was an Animagi she would probably be a falcon, Remus imagined. He loved her loud and unladylike laugh, her light personality, her tangled messy black hair and lively blue eyes like lapis lazuli. She was just beautiful enough to be noticed, but not enough to be the prettiest at school in most people's opinion. 'Most people', however, did not include Remus. He liked that she was naïve, that she trusted him and seemed to always know who was a friend and who was a foe. And when she did find an enemy, she always had the courage and ability to kick his or her ass quite thoroughly. She was optimistic and fun, but could be serious when she needed to be, and hated doing her homework, unlike Remus. Sometimes she was too dramatic and she had a quick temper, but that never mattered to him. She wasn't his type at all, but somehow he loved her all the same.

Monica had been found dead at the beginning of 7th year on the Quidditch pitch from a killing curse, and her murderer had never been found. Though that was 17 long years ago, he still talked to her every day as her ghost visited him nightly. She was his advisor, his friend, and always did right by him. Without her, Remus knew he would never have made it through his hectic and difficult life and stayed a sane and somewhat good man at the end of it all. Monica's ghost was never bitter and scary like the Bloody Baron, or regretful and sad like Moaning Myrtle. She was simply herself, and though he hated to admit it, he was glad she had become a ghost instead of dying peacefully because now he never really had to say goodbye.

"Why would you be worried about me, silly? I'm dead; it's not like I can get hexed or something," Monica replied, floating around the room to levitate over the desk as if she were sitting on it. Her long messy hair hung down by her face as her death-dulled blue eyes searched his.

"Well, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about lately," Remus said carefully, trying to breach the subject leisurely.

"Okayy…" Monica answered slowly, inclining her head. Monica was a goofball, but at moments like this she was quite serious.

"I met a girl a while ago. Her name is Nymphadora," he said hesitantly, hoping she'd get the hint.

"Nymphadora? Wow, her mom a Greek Myth enthusiast or something?" Monica questioned, floating over to do her equivalent of sitting beside him.

"Don't make fun of her, Monica" Remus scolded, though he knew Monica always used humour as a remedy for pain. He knew this was going to be hard for her to accept. It could mean that she wouldn't see him as much anymore. Even, perhaps, never again.

"No, no, Remus I'm not making fun of her," Monica assured him, "_I_ actually really like the name. But knowing the kind of girl you'd fall for, she probably hates it. It's too fantastical or ridiculous or something. That's probably why we never worked out, because I love that stuff."

Remus was shocked with her insight on the type of girl he fell for. "You're right; she hates it and prefers the name Tonks, which is her last name. And we didn't work out because you died, Mo. Besides, how did you know that I liked her?"

Monica sighed, resigned. She would never admit it to Remus, but she was still hopelessly in love with him. But maybe he did know, because Monica saw the hesitation in his face as he spoke of this Tonks woman, as if he was afraid to hurt her. _Well, too late for that shit_ Monica thought ruefully. Remus had been through so much in his life and Monica had always felt sorry for him, and therefore she wasn't mad with Remus at all. Nothing seemed to go right for Remus, whether it was his friends or his job or his luck. That was the main reason she still hung around, to make sure he was okay. Her own feelings contributed too, of course, but she mainly did it to help him. She suspected her death still weighed heavily on his mind, as he hadn't had any girlfriends since the day they had found her body.

Monica had always known, ever since she had become a ghost and decided to still be friends with Remus, that someday she'd have to let him go, accept the fact that he needed to move on and she'd be left behind as a ghost ( no pun intended) of his past. It made Monica sad, but she was dead and she had no right to pretend that she wasn't. She couldn't act like she had a claim to him that he was violating by moving on without her. Her time with him had been cut short 17 years ago, no matter what she felt or did. She was lucky to still be his friend at all. And despite what she felt inside, Monica wasn't going to make things worse for him. He deserved better than a ghost. He deserved a girl who could give him everything, and she would be damned (no pun intended, again) if she made him feel guilty for wanting that.

"I'm surprised you didn't find someone earlier, to be honest Moony. I was almost worried that I was holding you back," Monica finally replied, head hanging slightly.

Remus looked over at her with pleading eyes. "You weren't holding me back, Mo. I was holding myself back. Don't feel guilty or sad over Tonks, _please_. It's probably not going to work out anyway. I just thought you should know, because she's become a big part of my life recently."

Monica rocked back on her heels, shocked at his lack of self esteem. Despite her curiosity of how he was holding himself back, she had to know why Remus was so determined that it wouldn't work out. "Why the hell wouldn't it work out? If she has problems with you, I swear I'll break my promise to avoid you in the daytime and haunt the hell outta her!"

Remus laughed, relieved that she was taking it so well. "No, no, no it's not that! It's just she's a bit…young."

Monica ogled her best friend oddly. "Oh no, don't tell me this is some _Twilight_ bullshit that you've imprinted on some 2 year old," she said bluntly.

"No, thank goodness," Remus replied, amused. "But I'm 34 and Tonks… is 21."

Monica was slightly shocked at the 13 year age difference, but pushed it aside for her friend's sake. Monica was used to delivering pep talks to her downtrodden friend by now. "That's not so bad, Remus, really. It's not like its illegal or you're stealing her virtue. The only problems I can see are her not liking you or her not accepting you as you are."

"She definitely likes me, and she accepts me… but_ I_ don't accept me, Monica. I don't want to ruin her reputation with my lycanthropy. What if we got married? Or had children? What if my child became a werewolf because of me? I could never live with myself. That's why I've held myself back from moving on and finding a girlfriend, a wife, _anything_. You're perfect because you don't have to worry about those things."

"Oh I see, you just hang around with me because I'm the only girl whose life can't be ruined 'cause I don't have one. _Yay me_! Maybe I'll go join Moaning Myrtle in the washroom at Hogwarts." Monica responded, faking a small moan and flying above his head with a bogus expression of tragedy on her face. Remus would have laughed at her fairly decent imitation of Moaning Myrtle, but he was in too somber a mood.

"No, no Mo that's not it," Remus insisted, standing so he could pace his small room at the motel he was currently staying in, his plaid pajamas dragging on the floor as he paced, "Monica, I think there's some things we should get straight before I go to bed for the night."

Monica settled herself on the end of the bed again and Remus lay across it, leaning against the headboard. Monica struggled with the reality of discussing her deepest feelings in a musty old hotel room, but finally looked at Remus and decided she didn't care.

"Go ahead, Mr. Moony" she responded, crossing her legs and looking in his direction. In other circumstances she would have made a joke about his constant seriousness, but right now was not the time. Remus was right: they really did need to talk. They'd been ignoring the topic of their feelings in regards to each other for 17 years; it just couldn't continue.

Remus cleared his throat and spoke. "Monica, since the day you died, nothing's gone right for me. The rest of 7th year for me was… not exactly a blur, but more of an out-of-body experience. The only time I really got to be myself was as a werewolf with Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail. Every time I looked at a Transfiguration book, I found myself thinking of that time when you bet me that if Gryffindor could win their next Quidditch game against Slytherin, I would have to help you do your Transfiguration homework for a year. When Gryffindor won, you kissed me and even though I lost, I was completely content to see you happy. Everywhere I went and everything I did that year after your death had a memory of you attached to it. I felt guilty for your death, and your memory followed me everywhere, especially when you talked to me at night. Since then I've thought that you, the ghost of you, was the only one who I'd ever truly be able to be with. You're the only one who understands, cares, and has been with me long enough to know me inside out. My whole life has been riddled with losing jobs, moving around, death to people I care about and mistrust of the ones remaining alive. You were the only constant, and I appreciate that. And somewhere along the way, I truly fell in love with you. I dated you in 6th year because I liked you, but I never truly loved you until you died. But I do love you, and I still mourn your death. I know that will continue until I join you. But I think it's about time I let you move on to the afterlife. I'll always miss you Mo, and I hope you know that."

Through this, Monica had begun to cry silently at his heartfelt confessions. She's had no notion he felt like that. _Any more tears and I might as well join Moaning Myrtle_, she thought to herself wryly. "Thank you, Remus. I needed that. I need _you_. But now it's my turn."

Monica floated to hover her hand over Remus', and he imagined she'd be holding his hand if she could. She took a deep breath, looked down at the cheap old bedspread, and began.

"I've loved you… well, since 1st year, really. On the risk of sounding cliché, you kept me grounded. You know me: always jumping around from one thing to the next, the crazy girl, the happy girl, the eccentric, naïve girl. But my wandering was grounded by you. You were my foundation, the reliable friend who'd always be just what I needed, even if I'd had no clue what that was. We made no sense, but that never really mattered to us, did it? That night in 1st year when I was out late on the Quidditch pitch chasing an imaginary Quaffle, heard you moaning and found you and helped you through your first Hogwarts transformation? I think it was that moment, when I saw you so scared and vulnerable on the ground that I fell in love with you. I never really showed you that I liked you until 6th year, but I felt it constantly through those years. I've never really been good with words, Loopy, you know that. I never said what I felt because I wasn't sure how to put it into words without freaking you out. I was scared of how I felt. So seconds before my death on that dark night of the full moon, I decided to become a ghost because I didn't want to leave you without telling you everything I'd kept from you. I stayed behind on Earth for _you_. When I woke up a ghost, my first thoughts were of you, how you'd react to my death and my new form. So after I oriented myself, I went straight to find you. I found you at 5 in the morning, refusing to leave the Quidditch pitch where they were examining and moving my body. So I waited in your room for you to return, despite my better judgment. I shouldn't have returned, and I'm sorry for that. It's like I've been haunting you for all these years, and I'm sorry. You could have moved on so much faster if I hadn't been so selfish and stupid. I still love you, even more than that first day, and I've tried my best to be alive for you, to be the old me, the human me. But I can't pretend anymore. You deserve Tonks; you deserve someone alive, who will love you fully, who can give you a better life than you can even dream of. And no matter how much I might want that for you, more than I want my own life back, _I_ can't give it to you. But _she_ can. But you have to go out there and want it. Remus John Lupin, you have to go out there and live for me. Appreciate it all. You deserve that and so much more. I'm sorry for being dead, for holding you back, for being selfish. I just can't do this to you anymore."

By the end of her speech, Monica was crying quite terribly. She had never been a pretty crier, and being a ghost didn't change that.

"I promise, Monica. I'll live for both of us," Remus whispered desperately, losing his composure at her heartbreaking confession. He was glad both of them had gotten this big topic off their chests before she had to leave.

Monica nodded and floated over to a corner of the room, trying to get ahold of herself. She was wearing what she had died in, her tattered Gryffindor Quidditch practice uniform, and the ghost tears were staining it and then fading.

"Monica," Remus said from behind her, choking and tripping over her name as he stood from the bed and walked over to her, putting his arms around her where her waist would be. She turned around and looked at his face, so close to hers. If she still had the ability to kiss him, she would have.

"I love you," Monica whispered, tears staining her lips, placing her arms around his neck without touching him. He rested his head in the air right by hers. Holding him with his arms around/through her and his forehead on hers, it was the closest they had been since she died.

"I love you," he whispered back, holding her and looking in her eyes as he thought about how angelic she looked. It was the first time he'd said those eternal words directly to her, living or dead, and if Monica hadn't already been crying that would've done her in.

"Well, finally. That's 17 years in the making" Monica mumbled, trying to lighten the mood as she wiped the tears streaming down her face. Remus laughed quietly, stepping back slightly. When they had dated, she had said it to him often and meant it every time, but he would always respond with a smile or a kiss. She had always known it would take him a while to be able to admit it to her. But 17 years was a _long_ time.

He smiled at her, his eyes teary. "That meant a lot to me, Mo. And I forgive you, though I'm not quite sure what for."

Monica laughed quietly, which brought a smile to Remus' face. "I'm going to miss you, Loopy. And I forgive you for your idiocy. You had nothing to apologize for, you stupid bloke."

Remus laughed. "We always have this argument when we make up, why would this be any different?" He mused aloud, going back to lay down on the bed, hands behind his head. He shut his eyes and there was a brief silence between the two.

"When do you plan to…leave?" He murmured sleepily, opening his golden eyes groggily.

"Oh don't worry, I plan to haunt you for a little bit longer." Monica said, hovering down at Remus' feet. "I wanna meet this mysterious Tonks woman. Maybe you don't want me around _you_ during the day, but Tonks…"

Remus laughed as he threw a pillow through Monica, and she jutted out her lower lip in an adorable pout. "You know I hate it when you throw stuff through me and I can't throw things back," she whined, grinning in contradiction to her statement.

He laughed, "You deserved it. No haunting my woman; you'll scare her and then she'll never date me, knowing what my ex is like."

Monica's heart stung a little at being called his ex, but she knew that was what she was and she had to get used to it. Besides, he hadn't meant to hurt her, and this was the kind of thing she wanted: him coming to terms with her death. "_My woman_? I'm glad to see you've got some confidence back. But am I really that terrifying?" Monica started making fake ghost noises and moaning as she floated around the top of the room.

"You are when you're angry," he replied, pulling a pillow over his head. "Now I need to get some sleep, so stop your moaning. You won't leave without telling me first, right?"

"I won't stop until you tell me you'll at least introduce us before I leave," Monica taunted, moaning slightly louder.

"Fine," he spat, removing the pillow from his head as she stopped grousing. "Do you promise to say goodbye before you leave me?"

Monica flew down to Remus' bedside, suddenly serious. "I promise," she whispered, doing her equivalent of kissing his cheek. "G'night, Mr. Moony."

Remus smiled as he closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Ms. Devlin."

**AN:** Hope you enjoyed! Review? :) 3

_**Playlist:**_

Angel by Sarah McLachlan

Here Without You by 3 Doors Down

Hallelujah by Kate Voegele (or various other artists)

Already Over by Red

Tears to Shed from Corpse Bride

Remembering Sunday by All Time Low


	2. Forever

_**Disclaimer: **Sadly, I still don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling and her associates do._

_**AN:** So here's chapter two! =)_

_Enjoy, and I love reviews =)  
_

_Chapter 2: Forever_

Monica shifted excitedly in the middle of the wide room, waiting for Tonks to arrive. Ever since their first meeting 6 months ago, Tonks and Monica had grown inseparable. Monica now made it a point to alternate her nights between Tonks and Remus. She still loved Remus greatly, but she really liked Tonks and was also determined to be thorough in her analysis of Tonks' personality, as well as her past and current behavior. Monica wanted the best and only the best for Remus, and she was quite sure Tonks was it, but she wanted to be sure beyond the shadow of a doubt. She had never considered herself a mother hen, but for Remus she basically was. But Monica had had a good feeling about the Metamorphmagus ever since she first met her, which was a very good sign. Monica recalled the meeting fondly:

"_Monicaaaaaaaaaaaa," Remus called softly and ominously, sitting on his bed holding Tonks' hand. It had been 6 months since his talk with Monica about meeting Tonks and she, who wasn't patient to begin with, was getting fed up with waiting. After her recent threat to haunt Tonks, Remus decided it was time to tell her about his ghost friend. Tonks had taken it shockingly well and, like Monica, wanted a meeting. Tonks' hair was bright pink with anticipation._

"_Are you ready for this Tonks?" Remus questioned worriedly, holding her tanned hand a little tighter. _

"_Psh, are you kidding? I'm excited!" Tonks replied, smiling broadly at Remus. Truth be told, Tonks was a bit squeamish and wasn't quite sure what to expect, but she wasn't about to show Remus that. Besides, if Remus was friends with Monica, Tonks was determined to be her friend, too. _

"_Reeeeeeeeeeemus!" Monica whispered, right by Remus' ear. He jumped, yelping slightly as he pulled out his wand and turned around to see Monica right by his face, laughing. Tonks couldn't help giggling at her uptight boyfriend, too. _

_Monica dodged as Remus threw his wand at her angrily, scowling. "Oh, you love me," she called confidently, hovering above a rafter beam in Remus' teacher's quarters at Hogwarts, "Wotcher, Tonks!"_

_Tonks was pleased that she didn't have to insist that Monica call her Tonks; it seemed she already understood. _

_Remus retrieved his wand, red faced. He mumbled something Tonks took to be '_I knew this was a terrible idea'_ before he composed himself, gesturing between the women. "Tonks, this is my best friend, Monica Matilde Guinevere Devlin. Monica, this is my… girlfriend, Nymphadora Tonks." _

"_You have foolish parents who think 'more is more' names-wise too, huh?" Tonks said wryly, smiling at the translucent ghost in front of her. _

_Monica laughed, smiling warmly at the shorter woman. "You know it. I'd shake your hand Tonks, but… I'm dead."_

_The pair laughed together, and Remus was taken aback at how well they instantly got along and loved that they shared a dark sense of humor. He had been a bit afraid that Monica wouldn't show up because it was 1 o'clock in the afternoon and she only hung around him in the evenings. _

"_I'm sorry we're intruding on your daily activities, Monica. Tonks just couldn't wait." Remus explained._

"_I've heard so much about you from Remus, Monica. I just had to meet you," Tonks replied, smiling slyly. _

_Monica caught on to Tonks' drift, and played along. "Oh, don't worry about it," Monica replied, flying down from the rafters to hover by Remus and Tonks, "I've been __so__ anxious to meet the girl Remus just can't seem to stop talking about!" _

_By this point, Remus was going red with embarrassment and rage, and Monica laughed as Tonks squeezed Remus' hand lightly. "Oh, I'm sorry babe. Couldn't resist."_

_Remus grumbled something about ungrateful witches and sighed, listening to the girls chat about mundane witch activities for the rest of the afternoon._

Tonks and Monica had become great friends since that day, and Tonks knew everything except an awfully important detail: that Monica and Remus had dated. The night after that first meeting, Remus had begged Monica to keep it a secret, saying that he didn't want things to be awkward or for Tonks to hate him for hanging onto his past. Monica thought these worries were silly, as Tonks was the type of woman who could roll with the punches and loved Remus almost as much as she herself did, but eventually she agreed.

Tonks swept into the room at 1 o'clock in the morning and smiled when she spotted Monica. "Hey Mo, how's it goin?"

Monica laughed, "I'm doing fine, but probably not as good as you are. You wouldn't happen to be out late visiting Mr. Moony, would you?"

"Doth my ears deceive me? Challenging my virtue, 'tis it so?" Tonks replied in a fake Shakespearean accent, grinning shamelessly and winking.

"Oh don't play that innocent bullshit with me young lady," Monica replied, grinning wickedly back at her licentious friend.

"Yes, I did happen to be with our young Remus," Tonks replied, getting a slightly faraway look in her eyes as she mentioned her boyfriend.

Monica smirked, floating to a wooden chair and placing her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands. "Tell me what happened. I want to know everything."

Tonks looked sideways at Monica and sat down on her bed, preparing to change into her sleeping robes. She began undressing as she talked in a very blasé voice. "Well, he took me around in Muggle London to see all the Christmas lights and then in front of the London Eye he proposed to me. Get used to calling me Mrs. Moony, Mo."

Monica had known this day was coming, hell she had even helped Remus plan it and then get up the balls to actually _do it, _but it still shocked her into silence_._ That planning had been just 3 nights ago; he must have wanted to get it over with before he lost his nerve. Though Monica loved Remus and she loved Tonks, there was still a rather large part of her that hurt over Remus and wanted to break them apart. That feeling wasn't going to disappear overnight, Monica knew, but she had hoped to have a least a little more time. Instead, Monica focused on other, happier thoughts.

"Really? That's so exciting Dora! Congratulations! Thank Merlin you said yes, too. It took me nearly a whole night to convince him it was a good idea." Monica exclaimed, smiling at Tonks and blowing a ghost kiss.

"Mo, you know I wouldn't say _no_. This is what I've wanted for so long now! It's been _him_ who's been hesitant. I know it's going to be hard, but I want that and I love him. He's so bloody stubborn; it took him forever to finally believe me." Tonks exclaimed, flopping down on her bed in her purple silk pajamas. Her hair was short and bright pink for the occasion.

"I know!" Monica said, laughing. "So, are you going to let me see the ring or not?"

Tonks stuck out her hand, and Monica examined the ring closely. It was a simple silver band (Remus wasn't exactly the definition of 'rich') with a small pearl set into the middle. It truly was simple and lovely, everything an engagement ring should be. Looking at it, Monica fully realized that it was finished: Whatever she and Remus had had was over. And that ring, that simple and gorgeous ring, was the embodiment of what Monica had always wanted: a concrete symbol of spending forever with Remus. Without realizing it, Monica started to cry, luminescent tears spilling down her eternally pale face.

"Are you okay, Mo?" Tonks murmured, concerned.

"Yeah, 'M fine" Monica whispered back, fumbling for an excuse and finally deciding on the only-partially right one, "I'm just…so happy for you guys."

Tonks smiled as she started to cry a little herself. "Me, too. And you're definitely invited to the wedding, by the way. We're thinking it'll be a really small thing at the Burrow, but it's about time you were introduced to the people Remus and I care about, because we care about you."

"I'll definitely be there, floating in the aisles scaring the shit out of people," Monica replied, regaining herself and her wall of humor once again.

Tonks laughed and began to tell Monica the detailed events of the evening, starting with the Christmas lights, then the pink broom Remus had bought special just for her, and finally the carnival and the London Eye and proposing at the bottom of the Muggle ride. She described how surprised she'd been, how she's instantly said yes and how the rest of the night had been… breathtaking.

"Wow," Monica sighed, floating around the room aimlessly as her mind basked in her friend's happiness, "I'm totally jealous."

Tonks smiled, "I wish you could feel what I'm feeling right now, Monica. It's not at all fair that you were robbed of this chance."

Monica sighed, but smiled back at Tonks. "I know. But it is what it is, I guess."

The two savoured the silence for a while, and finally Monica decided it was a good time to leave, maybe go check on Remus. "Alright, well I'll best be heading out. Congratulations again, Tonks. Maybe I'll help you pick out a dress or something." Monica began to float to the door, but Tonks called out before she could go through.

"There's just one more thing I should mention," Tonks began quietly.

Monica turned, frowning. "Alright, what is it Dora?"

"Remus told me about the two of you."

Shock was the first emotion to cross Monica's face. Remus had _not_ told her that he planned on telling Tonks about their past relationship and lingering love for each other. _Typical Remus to wimp out of telling me so that I could get ambushed_, Monica mused. Despite how much she loved him, Monica sometimes couldn't help but wonder what the Sorting Hat had been smoking when it placed Remus in Gryffindor.

Monica looked at Tonks shyly, "He did? Are you…alright with that?"

Monica wasn't quite sure how Tonks would react, but she just smiled slightly, saddened. "Oh, I'm fine with it. I was just disappointed that you both kept something huge like that from me. I feel terrible. _You_ should be with Remus, not me. I can't help but feel shitty for all the times I gushed to you about how much I love him and all my frustrations over him when you have much more love for him and much greater problems. Even today when you listened to my whole engagement story and only cried once, covering it up as tears of happiness. I shouldn't have put you through that. You're much stronger than I am, Mo, and I'm sorry. "

Monica felt relieved that Tonks took it so well, but knew that she had some serious explaining to do. "Dora, I'm so sorry. I told Remus you'd be fine with it, because I know how much you love him and if you can accept his lycanthropy you can accept his past relationship with one of your friends. But he insisted, and I'm a pushover so I promised I would wait until he was ready to tell you. And I am definitely not strong, believe me. I've cried more times in the past 2 years than I have my whole life and the beginning of my afterlife combined. I'm selfish and I'm ignorant and I'm stupid. I should have seen your engagement coming and should be totally happy for you both. And I _am_ happy, but there's also a part of me that is sad and I have no business feeling that way. But please listen to me when I say that _you are the right woman for him_. He loves you, and I know he'll be good to you and you'll be good to him."

Tonks smiled and looked in Monica's eyes with acceptance and sisterly love. "That sounds like Remus. He just can't seem to realize how much I love him, the dumb lad. But thank you Mo. I still feel guilty, but I feel better than I did before."

"Stop feeling guilty," Monica said forcefully, "because this day is supposed to be perfect. If I can't have one, then I'm going to make yours extra special. I listened to all your musings ever since we became friends because I like you as a person and it's my way of living again. I am completely happy for you because I want you and Remus to get married and have bunches of children and grow old together long after I'm gone. Engagement is the first step to that, and I am really _really_ happy for you. Don't mar it with guilt."

Tonks nodded. "Alright. I am happy, but you're right; I should feel nothing short of amazing right now. Anyway, I'll let you go talk to Remus. Thanks, Mo. You're the greatest friend I could ever hope to have."

Monica laughed and blew Tonks a kiss. "Good. I'll talk to you soon, okay Mrs. Moony?"

Tonks nodded, smiling broadly, and Monica walked through the door, keeping her wall firmly in place as she sped through the dark of early morning to see Remus.

The second she flew into his room, she found him sitting on the patchwork bed, grinning like an idiot. When she flew in he stopped immediately. "I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow," Remus murmured, standing to greet her.

"Oh, so that's why you proposed today? Hoping that you'd get to avoid me until tomorrow? No such luck, lad. I have a bone to pick with you. Several bones, actually."

Remus smiled wryly and sat on the bed, throwing a large leatherbound book aside as he gestured for her to hover next to him. "I probably deserve it," he said simply.

"First: why didn't you tell me you were proposing so soon? We talked about this just last bloody week!" Monica demanded.

"I didn't want to wait. I might have just told _you_ last week, but I've been thinking about it for a while," Remus answered, crossing his legs.

"Second, why didn't you tell me you were gonna tell her about us?" Monica said, moving on before she lost the courage to ask all her questions.

"I'm a coward," he replied simply, grimacing. "I'm sorry you found out that way. Is it too much to hope that it might have been better that way?"

Monica thought for a moment, then replied bluntly "Yep, that is too much to ask. Third, do you love her?"

Remus looked at Monica, confused. "Of course I do."

Monica shook her head roughly, floating closer to Remus and looking him in his molten topaz eyes, searching for truth. "No, that's not bloody good enough. She feels like shit for feeling like 'the other woman' in this friendship the three of us have, and I feel like shit for getting in the way and making her feel that way. You have to _prove_ to me that you love her more than me. Because I won't let Tonks be second best. I'm dead; it's better that I feel like I'm in your past than Tonks feel like an intruder in your future."

Remus looked back into Monica's ghostly blue eyes wearily. "How can I prove it to you? And even if I can somehow, it's going to hurt you. I won't do that."

"Either way this is going to hurt me, Loopy. If you don't tell me I'll feel guilty on top of it thought; this is the lesser of two evils, so to speak. Just tell me, dammit!" Monica said harshly, trying to make herself feel nothing. She hated to do this on the night of his engagement, but she had to be sure he wouldn't feel regrets or doubt when he married Tonks; for both of them deserved the best, and therefore deserved each other.

Remus glared back silently and then shouted "Fine! I love Nymphadora Tonks more than you, Monica Matilde Guinevere Devlin. She is the sun in my world, and I can't think of a good day without her in it. She makes me laugh, smile, and feel a love in my heart that's been dead for a very long time. She challenges me and makes me forget my scars and my fears. With her I am happy and I finally feel like I'm living in the present again. She is the perfect woman for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

The room was silent for a moment, and Monica felt as if she had just been slapped hard across the face with a wet towel. In one breath, he had basically said he hadn't loved her since she died and that if she was alive right now he would still rather marry Tonks over her. It hurt terribly, more than comprehension, to hear him say that but it was exactly what she had asked for, wasn't it? He had definitely proved to her that he loved Tonks, and nearly taken back every loving word he'd said to her since she died all in one breathe. And strangely, though it hurt, Monica was happy. She knew this was right, for things were as they were and Monica needed to know he would be happy and safe when she was gone. _Wow, what a masochist I have become_, she thought to herself before looking at Remus again and smiling.

"Thank you," she said through tears.

"_Thank you_? That's all you have to say? You're thanking me for tearing you apart!" He shouted, bunching his hands in his hair as if he would pull it out from the roots. Monica placed her hand through his, and he looked into her face, agonized. Monica slid behind her mask, saving her tears in order to stop Remus from stressing further.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. You told me what I had asked for, and I'm glad you'll be happy. And my final bone to pick with you is: Congratulations. She's on cloud nine, you picked out everything perfectly. I'm proud of you, Loopy. So stop feeling bad for me and go out and get drunk or something."

Remus looked up at her and smiled slightly, "You know I could never hold my drink, and I work tomorrow."

Monica nodded, remembering a particular night in 6th Year when her and Remus had drank a bit too much at a Quidditch after party (Remus was invited by James and Monica). Remus had been totally smashed after 3 shots; Monica held out for about 6. The following day, Remus' hangover had been worse than hers, and they'd taken the day off from school together to recover, even after a hangover spell.

"This is true," Monica admitted, smiling. "Well, if you refuse to live a little, I'll let you get to bed and stop being a 'Negative Nancy'. I really am happy for you Remus, though it may not seem like it right now. You and Tonks belong together; I just wanted to make sure you knew it too."

Remus smiled and whispered a "Thank you, Mo" before sliding into bed, and Monica took that as her cue to leave.

Monica floated off into the night, holding her mask firmly in place as she thought of many possible distractions from the stressful and agonizing night she had just experienced. However, Monica wasn't sure how long it would last, her mask of confidence. But she also knew that when the wall fell down, she'd have to leave them forever. She'd have to leave the 2 people she had grown to love the most to live out forever together.

AN: Thanks for reading! =) R&R =)

p.s. if you caught the 'Negative Nancy' reference, It will make my day ;)

**Playlist:**

What I Did For Love- Glee/ A Chorus Line

Right Here Waiting- Richard Max


	3. Something Blue

_Disclaimer: Regretfully, I still don't own Harry Potter in any way. That belongs to J.K. Rowling. I do own Monica Devlin, though. _

_AN: Alright, chapter 3! You'll be pleased to know I don't have really anything to say this time. Just that I'm sorry it's a bit short, my imagination's already running out for this fic (I have a short attention span apparently), but I WILL FINISH. PROMISE!_

_As always, PLEASE review. I'm begging here ;) _

_But thanks for reading! Love you all, and Enjoy!  
_

_Chapter 3: Something Blue_

"Tonks, get your ass out here!" Monica bellowed, floating restlessly outside the door of Tonks' room. She was bloody curious, but also slightly nervous and scared, to see what dress Tonks had picked out for "The Big Day".

The Burrow was crowded with witches and wizards despite Tonks' promise that it would be a small wedding, and it was filled with pent up excitement. Monica would have been fine with it if she hadn't had to spend the morning meeting all said witches and wizards. She was horrified to meet this many people, but Tonks had assured her it was better than just floating down the aisle as her maid of honor and making the older ladies faint. Besides, Monica had enjoyed meeting a few of the guests. She'd heard all about the famous Harry Potter, her old friend James' son, and meeting him in person looking exactly like James had completely taken her back to the good days. And seeing him with Ginny? _Priceless_. Monica had to tell herself that it was Harry and Ginny holding hands at the reception, not James and Lily. Harry's friend Hermione had been nice enough as well, a little too preppy for Monica's taste but at least she was talkative. The Weasleys themselves had entertained her to no end, and the only thing Monica regretted about meeting the twins was that she couldn't try out any of their hilarious gags. She hated to admit it, but Ron really _was _the perfect target…

"I'm coming!" Tonks shouted back, opening the door of the bathroom and stepping into Molly's room, which they were using as "The Bride's Room". When she stepped into the light, Monica's dead heart stopped.

In the 4 months Tonks had been engaged to Remus, Monica believed she had seen Tonks in just about everything. The Metamorphmagus changed her appearance at least 3 times a day, and Monica had seen pig's snouts, brilliant hues and even Tonks' hair catch fire when she was extremely mad, but nothing prepared Monica for this.

Tonks was wearing a strapless white gown that fit her until the waist where it flowed as smooth as melted chocolate to the floor. Monica noticed that the gown had next to no train, which was perfect for her klutzy friend. The gown had little triangular embellishments along the top and in the middle of the bottom of the front of the dress. The dress was very lacy and very un-Tonks-like, but Tonks looked like a dream in it, an angel with… blue hair?

_Oh Merlin_ Monica thought ruefully as she looked at Tonks' electric blue hair, twisted into a messy bun on the top of her head. "Stop looking at me like that Mo," Tonks commanded, placing a hand on her hip and quirking an eyebrow at Monica.

"You look ravishing Dora, but… the hair? And to think you were worried about _me_ making the old ladies faint!"

"Well, I took the 'something blue' rule quite seriously" she replied with a wink.

"You didn't need to take it that far," Monica muttered, shaking her head amusingly.

"Just be grateful I don't have a pig's nose or a horse's arse," Tonks teased.

"Merlin help us," Monica replied, looking at the sky thankfully.

Tonks laughed at me and walked over to the small mirror propped against the large wardrobe. She was shocked into silence for a moment, and then she smiled. "It's not very conventional, but it's me," she whispered, smiling slightly as her skin darkened with a blush.

Monica floated over behind her and whispered very quietly, "I know." Tonks and Monica shared the silence for a moment, communicating their happiness and friendship with no words.

At that moment, Molly and Ginny waltzed into the room and began with the shouting. "You look lovely, dear, but there's no way you can walk out there with that hair! You might as well walk out there starkers for the effect it'll have!" Molly screeched, walking across the room to fuss over the short woman. Ginny muttered something about Remus enjoying that, and Monica disguised a laugh with a cough.

"Molly, it's my wedding," Tonks insisted, smoothing the wisps of blue hair falling around her face, "and my hair's blue. Remus isn't going to care, and I really don't care what anybody else thinks."

"Goodness gracious dear, I know, but blue? Can't you make it blonde just for today?"

Tonks caught Monica's eye over her shoulder, clearly communicating _you better bloody well help me or you will hear about this later_.

Monica smiled, and looked at Ginny, willing the teenager to understand. "Ginny, I'm pretty sure…didn't I hear someone yelling for Molly downstairs?"

"Yeah, didn't you hear it mum?" Ginny questioned, winking in Monica's direction.

"Oh goodness no! Alright, Ginny dear would you help Tonks get ready? I'll be right back." And with that, Mrs. Weasley swept out the door.

"Thank God! Ginny, your mother's a complete dear and also a saint for letting me have my wedding at her place, but I need to get ready and I can't exactly worry about the colour of my hair now can I?"

Ginny smoothed her hand down her Gryffindor red satin halter dress, which looked stunning on the young woman. And the fact that Harry wore a matching tie was just adorable. She laughed, clearly not offended. "Don't worry, Mrs. Tonks. I don't think you'll see her until after the ceremony. I warned Ron that he might need to keep mum on a leash. He'll do his job as long as he's not off bumbling after Hermione."

Tonks laughed as she smoothed out her dress while Monica sighed about young love until there was a knock at the door.

_Oh no, not Molly! _Tonks mouthed to Monica. But the door swung open before anyone could prepare for a ranting Molly Weasley to reveal… Mad-Eye Moody.

"What are you doing here?" Tonks wondered aloud.

"Looks like it's time to go, Nymphadora. Molly sent me to fetch ye to your father. Remus and the priest and all them are waiting for yer." Mad-eye grumbled, standing slumped in the doorway in a clearly-old-and-too-small-for-him suit.

"DON'T call me Nymphadora!" Tonks fumed, "and yes, let's go you crotchety old man."

Mad-Eye chuckled as Tonks took his arm, "well, I'll just call you Mrs. Lupin from now on, won't I?"

Tonks smiled genuinely at her mentor as he walked her out of the room and over to her father, Ted. Monica and Ginny followed behind, bouquets of birds of paradise flowers in hand. "Indeed. By the way, thanks for making an effort to get a new suit, or at least spell it to look new, for my wedding."

"I wouldn't be talkin' there, Dora. Quite a fetching lid you've got," Mad-Eye retorted.

Tonks winked as she took her father's arm, looking excited. Ginny mistook the excitement for nerves and started speaking softly, "Alright Tonks, we have to walk out now. Breath and you'll be-"

"I'm great!" Tonks responded at the same time Monica said "She's fine". Tonks looked at Monica and laughed, "You know me too well, Mo."

Monica winked, finally starting to feel some sadness as the reality hit her that she was just the Maid of Honor at Remus' wedding, not the bride like she'd always hoped. Feeling selfish, she smiled. "That I do. I'll bet you're so excited you can barely keep from running down the aisle in your leather stomper boots. And don't think I didn't notice, Dora. You're just lucky I didn't mention something to Molly, she'd have had your head."

Tonks giggled, and gestured out the door. "You're right on all accounts, Mo. Now get going so I can get married. I've waited long enough."

Monica laughed and followed Ginny as they walked into the backyard of the Burrow. It was decorated very simply, as Remus and Tonks had insisted on paying for everything (except the location, which Molly refused to let them pay for) and also designing the whole wedding. There were simple wooden chairs set up in the yard, black ribbon strung across the backs and red down the middle for an aisle. There was a simple arch of greenery over the altar and that's where Monica spotted Remus in his dress robes, looking quite nervous but adorable all the same, like a trusty old teddy bear. When she started floating down the aisle, the crowd only gawked slightly, which was more than Monica was hoping for. When she reached the end, she smiled widely at Remus as everyone stood to look at Tonks coming down the aisle.

Monica couldn't help it, but while everyone was staring at Tonks, she stared at Remus. She looked at all the delicious emotions flowing across his face, things she'd never get to see someone feel about her. And when she finally looked at Tonks, walking down the aisle in her unique splendour, Monica realized that Tonks' hair was changing. It morphed before the crowd's very eyes into a very shocking yet heavenly shade of white-blond. It was still twisted upon her head, but now it was a more civil colour, probably for poor Molly's sake. Remus' eyes softened the closer Tonks came, and she placed her hand in his.

As Monica looked at the pair of them, she couldn't help but smile. Those two people were what kept her around, and in the time she'd known them, they had never looked as happy as they did in that second. Time froze for a second as the world was still, admiring the new Lupins and immortalizing their union in Monica's timeless brain. She knew they'd be this happy for the rest of the day, and for the rest of their lives. Remus and Tonks would revel in the happiness until they were put into the ground, and if they chose to become ghosts, then they'd be happy for eternity. She'd be a terrible friend to say she didn't want that for Remus and Tonks. She just wanted that for herself, too.

The ceremony was beautiful, not a cloud in the beautiful country sky. Finally, the ceremony began to wrap up. "I now pronounce you husband and wife," the priest bellowed, "and you may kiss your bride."

As Remus kissed Tonks and the crowd cheered, Tonks' hair began to change colour again, but much, much slower. The white-blond slowly turned, strand by strand, into a glorious sharp red. Remus grabbed Tonks' hand as they ran down the aisle and into the house, the rest of the guests following suit.

As she followed the happy procession, she couldn't help but admire everyone's happiness. Because weddings, she realized, were not about beginnings; they were about endings. The bride and groom are celebrating their happy ending. The guests are celebrating the end of their loved one's life alone. And Monica was celebrating, or more realizing, the end of her dreams. She had no choice but to wake up and face reality.

Playlist:

Hummingbird- NeverShoutNever!

The Adventure- Angels and Airwaves

Eyes On You- Automatic Loveletter

Marry Me- Train


	4. Misery Loves Company

_**AN: So Here's Chapter 4! Sorry for the long wait, but not a lot of people are reading this fic anyway and for the few who are, I wanted to get this right. Thanks to all who are reading.**_

_**Warning: Language is worse than usual in this chapter... :P  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do own my OC, Monica Devlin. Not made for profit.  
**_

_Chapter 4: Misery Loves Company_

Monica flew over to the Lupin-Tonks household one evening at around 7 to check up on her newly married friends (as planned; she never dropped in unannounced anymore, lest she come when they were…busy), but stopped when she found them in the middle of a serious argument in the master bedroom. There were 3 warning signs Monica had learned to pick up on to tell they were in an argument: they were shouting loudly, Tonks' hair turned black or green, and they were on opposite sides of the room. Monica floated just outside the window, feeling a bit like a stalker but refusing to interrupt.

"I thought you'd be happy, Remus!" Tonks shouted sadly. Monica blinked, confused. _What's he done this time?_ She wondered.

"I would be, Dora, if it wasn't mine!" Remus replied, fisting his hands.

"That makes no bloody sense! Why did you marry me if you just wanted me to get pregnant with someone else's kid!" She shouted back, glaring quite profusely. _Oh Merlin, not this again_, Monica thought with increasing horror, finally realizing what was happening.

Remus slammed his hand into the wall, causing the house to shake, before he began to shout achingly loud. "You just don't get it, Dora, do you? That child could have my disease! I don't want the pain I've suffered with for my whole life to be passed down to my child!"

"Well, you should have thought of that before we got married, Remus! Did you expect us to just not use protection and never get pregnant? Merlin's bloody hell! Why did you have to go and turn good news into horrible news, Remus? Why?" Tonks shouted, collapsing to the ground with a hand over her eyes. Her hair, which had been a short black and crackling mess seconds earlier, slowly faded to a long, light cerulean blue.

Remus gazed at Tonks' shaking form for a moment before he spoke, in a quiet whisper like the calm after a storm, "I'm sorry, Dora. I just can't do it."

And with that, he briskly walked from the room.

Monica took this golden opportunity to float into the small master bedroom and crouch by Tonks, talking in a soothing but rushed voice. "It's alright, Dora, he'll come around. He's just an immature stupid bloke. I'll go rake him over the coals and we can celebrate the good news, okay?"

Tonks looked up, bleary eyed. "Monica," she rasped, before dissolving into tears again. Seeing Tonks like this, broken and out of her wits, was enough to make Monica stark-raving mad.

Monica set her jaw and flew through the modest-sized house. _Now to find my wanker of a best friend _she thought, flying outside the front door. "Dammit!" she yelled to no one when she realized he wasn't there and must have Apparated to Merlin knows where.

She searched all his usual haunts half-heartedly, knowing he wouldn't go somewhere obvious if he knew she was after him (which he most likely did). Finally, she realized she knew exactly where he'd be: Grimmauld Place. He never went there anymore, for the memories of his best friend Sirius were too poignant and excruciating, and would have been the last place Monica would regularly imagine him to be.

She soared as fast as her ghost form would carry her, and reached her destination of the invisible-to-Muggles 12 Grimmauld Place, former House of Black at about 8 p.m. She was sure she'd be the only person (besides a possible Remus) there, but she melted through the door to hear shouting. From what she could hear, The Boy Who Lived was giving someone hell for something.

"You're a coward!" shouted the voice of Harry Potter.

There was no reply.

"How could you even consider leaving your wife when she's pregnant with your kid? You better help yourself before you come help us!" Harry yelled and stormed out of the room, down the hall and out the door. Hermione and Ron followed, wide-eyed and guilty. Monica watched them go with pride. _You tell 'em Harry_, she thought smugly.

Monica waited for the large door to shut before she floated into the sitting room the Golden Trio had just vacated, knowing she'd find Remus there.

And find him she did. Remus was slumped in a black leather armchair, head in his hands and not looking so great. His skin was paler than usual and his clothes more tattered. His scars looked uglier and more raised, standing out harshly on his face. She floated, staring at her friend in disbelief before she realized he probably wasn't going to move, so she needed to announce herself.

"Remus."

Remus started, then glanced up and immediately looked sad and angry, but something else, too…_was that guilt_? Monica wondered, but mentally scolded herself. She needed to set Remus straight if Harry hadn't already done so, and nowhere in that equation allowed for her to be soft with him. To be honest, she didn't want to be; he was royally buggering up, and she was pissed off.

"You found me," he commented blankly, accepting that she knew him too well.

"You'd better tell me right now what the fuck you're thinking. _Please_. Because this is the first time in years that I haven't been able to understand you."

"Don't be judgmental, Mo—" he started exasperatingly, but Monica wasn't going to let him take charge of the situation he let get out of control until he was on her side. She floated over near his face and began to shout, losing her short temper.

"No, I'll be as judgmental as I damn well please you tosser! We talked about this, remember? You were worried about getting Tonks pregnant with a werewolf child when you first met her, we talked through it and I thought all that piffle was done with when you married her!"

Remus stood from the chair at her words and began to pace the small dark room. "It's just too dangerous, Mo, and so many things could go wrong. I simply cannot sit around and watch it happen! She should abort that monstrosity that's growing inside of her because of me. The child would thank me. Gosh, I'm such a right proper _idiot_."

"You sure are acting like one. Look, Tonks loves you enough to marry you and have a child with you, and I think that everything will turn out fine. Reality check here, Remus: The only one afraid of the danger is you."

"Well, you're both fools then. You should be scared and apprehensive! Being a werewolf is no small problem, and I don't want my son or daughter to hate me for doing that to them!"

Monica shook her head adamantly, glaring in the direction of her rapidly-becoming-former best friend. "We _are_ concerned Remus, but that's what life's all about! You have to take risks and be happy while you can! Obviously Tonks is worried about it too, because no one would want their child to become a werewolf! It's atrocious! But despite all that, she's willing to take that risk with you. You should be rewarding that trust rather than punishing it. It'll be worth it, Remus; worth every risk and every harsh reality when things turn out alright."

Remus stopped pacing for a moment, glaring at Monica. "Oh, so _that's_ what you've always thought of me? 'Atrocious'? I always knew you must have hated me! Why else would you come back and make me feel worse and worse about your death every single night?"

"I wish I hated you! _I fucking wish_! But that isn't the way love works, you tit!" Monica shouted back, realizing faintly what a proper mess her mouth had become in her rage but brushing off the though for a later time. He was pinning this whole mess on _her_? _Has he been interpreting my feelings wrong all along? What a dimwit!_ Monica thought, and immediately filled with rage again. How dare he make her feel worse than she already does!

"This is so incredibly far from being my fault that it is almost painful to explain. You just need someone to blame, you bloody wanker!" She screeched. "Everything you just said is proper rubbish and you know it! Did you just completely forget the conversation we had almost exactly 1 year ago? Do you remember all the times I said _I love you _and_ I'm sorry_, both alive and undead?"

"They were all _lies_!" Remus bellowed, angry tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes and a look appearing on his face that Monica felt for the first time made him look wild and feral. He ran across the room to a large oak bookcase and shoved it over, the bookcase falling with a tremendous crash to the floor, the sound of books scattering and wood breaking in half charging the room with more anger.

"You want complete honestly, Remus? Fine! _I love you_!" Monica howled, beginning to shake with emotion. She could feel her walls coming down, and knew that she didn't have time to leave before they fell.

She was met with eerie silence.

"Don't you realize how hard this has been for me?" She whispered brokenly, glancing at him in agony as she finally revealed her inner pain. "I've had to watch you fall in love without me! I thought dying had taken everything from me, but watching you live and love has stolen more from me than I ever thought possible. I've dealt with you and Tonks breathing love with every bloody breath while I can't even breathe air anymore! I've hid my feelings and my torture away inside this dead projection of myself, I've helped you and smiled through the pain that is killing me from the inside out because I love you more than I love my first life, my afterlife and my happiness. I'm being murdered yet again on the inside to keep Dora and you together. And now, when you're giving up on the love that's been destroying me, I have to convince you to keep going, keep pushing the knife through my own sodding back. If I could take Dora's place, marry you and have any chance at children of any kind with you, I would never hesitate. I would want every risk and every joy of being with you with my whole soul. I know that Dora feels the same way, Remus. What you two have is beautiful, a rose in a world full of thorns. I know you two have to be together to be happy, so please stop resisting it. You'll only kill us all."

Monica, emotionally and physically drained, slumped into a fetal position and floated upwards, clutching her Chaser's uniform around the middle as she fought to keep herself from losing her wits.

Remus was standing in the middle of the stark-silent room, staring in horror at Monica. "Why do I always just spread misery around? What have I done? " He wailed miserably.

After she had calmed down considerably, Monica took one look at Remus and realized that, again, she seemed to make everything worse. "Shit, I shouldn't have done that. Remus, just forget I said anything and forget about your worrying and go back to Tonks."

Remus looked up at her through his misery and smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile; it was anything but. "How can I possibly go back to Tonks after _that_? I didn't know—I couldn't… God, _what have I done_? "

"Sweetie, I believe you've already asked that, and I couldn't tell you if I wanted to. But if you can make it back to the house in the next 5 minutes, Tonks might not hex your balls off."

Remus laughed roughly. "Thank Merlin for that."

"'Might', stress on the 'might' there, mate." Monica replied, glad to have some control over herself, and the situation, again.

He walked to the door of the study and looked back at Monica, staring sadly. "If I'd known you felt that strongly…things would have gone differently."

Monica smiled wistfully, thinking of how different the future could have been. "No, Remus, this was how it was supposed to be. In another time, in another life… maybe we could have been together. But if I had wanted to change things, I could have. I've chosen a hard road so that other, _living_ people don't have to. No use humming and hawing over _if_s and _should have_s and regrets. Life moves too fast to be looking back without being blind to what's happening right now."

He nodded, walking towards the door and the Apparating point. "That's some good advice. But I really do regret giving us up before we even had a chance to be."

Monica followed him over and, as he Apparated away, whispered, "It'll be worth it."

Playlist

I'm still Breathing- Katy Perry

Twenty Years- Augustana

Misery Business- Paramore

**AN: Review if you liked or didn't like it, and thanks for reading!**

**Also, I'm thinking about changing the name of my fanfic to "It'll Be Worth It". I'd love to hear if you think this is a good or bad idea :)**


	5. Quiet In The World Tonight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Taylor Swift.**

**AN: Alrighty, here's chapter 5! It might be a while ( a couple weeks or so) until Chapter 6 because I'm still writing it/ working out kinks. Thanks for being so patient and reading!**

**I really like reviews... *wink wink***

**Also, I'll be introducing Moaning Myrtle into the story during Chapter 6, and she's pretty interesting... so stick around xD *shameless self promotion*  
**

**Anyway, ENJOY! :D**

_Chapter 5: Quiet in the World Tonight_

Monica knew something was up the second she floated into the newly completed nursery… and they weren't there. It was the first time since Remus' anxiety attack a little less than a year ago that they hadn't been there when she came. They'd planned her coming over just 2 days ago; it's not like they could have forgotten her, and the young couple were always, _always_ being lovey-dovey and excited in the nursery.

Monica experienced a moment of panic (was something wrong with the baby? Is Remus off his nut again?) before she acknowledged the obvious: Tonks was going into labour. She was already 5 days late for Merlin's sake!

Monica flew herself over to St. Mungo's and found Remus at the reception desk filling out medical forms. When she flew up to him he sighed in relief, "Thank Merlin you showed up, Mo. They won't let me through until I'm done this bloody paperwork. Can you go help her? She's right through the doors across the hall."

"Sure thing," Monica replied quickly. "How's she doing?"

"As well as can be expected," Remus replied, scribbling furiously. Monica took the tense tone of his voice as urgency, and she flew off.

The second Monica flew in the room she realized the Lupin-Tonks' had been here a while. Tonks was already all set up on the gurney, and it seemed she was in the middle of a contraction. She also looked to be having an argument with the doctors.

"We could make it so much easier for you Mrs. Lupin," one was saying, "There's some spells that make it quick and painless—"

"I DON'T WANT ANY BLOODY SPELLS!" Tonks screeched in a voice Molly Weasley would have been proud of. Tonks squeezed her eyes shut, almost bent double over her stomach. She froze like this for about 10 seconds before she breathed out in a huff and slumped back to the gurney.

"Geeze, you make labour sound like your choosing how to murder me," she muttered before she caught sight of Monica floating by her bedside. "Thank Merlin you showed up, Mo" she breathed, smiling grimly.

"That's exactly what Loopy said," Monica replied and she hovered in the chair by Tonks' bedside. "How're you holding up?"

"Great," Tonks ground out as her face turned white and her eyes popped open. She whimpered a little bit before she slumped back to the pillows. "I've got a strong one in here; a fighter, that's for sure. A real witch or wizard on the way," she commented after taking a moment to collect herself, looking at Monica.

"Well, that was to be expected anyway. With you and Remus for parents… of course your child is going to be a brave and strong addition to the Wizarding World," Monica murmured, looking at Tonks and wishing she could help.

"Now if he wouldn't mind getting his pretty little butt out of me, I'd be so bloody thankful," Tonks groaned as she was hit with another contraction. Monica put her hand through Tonks', and Tonks clenched her hand into a fist as if she were squeezing Monica's ghostly projected hand.

"Thanks. Your hand…is really cold. It helps," Tonks confessed when the contraction was over, shortening her green bob to a barely-there green haircut.

Monica smiled back at her, "I wish there was something I could do to help," she replied guiltily.

"Where's Remus?" Tonks asked instead, swiveling her head as if she just noticed he wasn't in the room.

"He's out at the reception desk filling out forms, furious as heck that he's not in here with you," Monica replied amusedly. She could only dream of the curses he'd start using if they didn't let him get to his wife _soon_. He had been, after all, a Marauder and therefore one of the 5 biggest troublemakers to set foot inside Hogwarts. Wormtail, Monica decided, didn't count because he's a wanker, but the Weasley twins most certainly _did_ count.

"Oh. Well I guess there is something _you_ can do for me then," she said, smiling wryly.

"Sure Dora," Monica replied, slightly squeamish at the maniacal look on Tonks' face.

"Get those doctors OUT OF HERE, DAMMIT!" She yelled as more contractions hit.

Monica would have laughed, but the sight of seeing her friend in so much pain killed her humor. She turned to the doctors, who had been simply staring for the past 5 minutes, icily. "I'd suggest you get your asses out of here and stop hassling my friend, or I will find out where you live and haunt you for the rest of your life. We clear?"

One of the doctors was about to say something, but Monica wasn't in the mood. She filled air into her lungs and, in a trick she had discovered herself, thrust it out of her mouth slowly, the wind howling in a chilling screech. The doctors went white and scampered out of the room, tripping over their medical robes.

Monica smiled, enjoying their fear for a moment, before she returned her attention to a calm-again Tonks. "Impressive," Tonks said, whistling hoarsely, "if I become a ghost, you have _got_ to teach me how to do that."

"Will do," Monica promised, returning to her post to 'hold' Tonks' hand when Remus burst into the room.

"Dora?" He shouted before he realized that the room was quiet. He looked quite disheveled, as if he had just been wrestling with Padfoot in Animagus form and run about a mile.

"How are you? Is everything ok?" he said more civilly, walking to the bed and placing his hand on his wife's.

"Oh I'm fine, Remus. No need to worry about me…" Tonks trailed off as a contraction hit, her face scrunching up in pain.

"What's happening?" Remus asked, panicked. Monica looked at him and, upon deciding he honestly had no idea what was happening (_what a clueless dumb lad, _she thought lovingly), responded calmly.

"This is all part of labour," Monica promised, "she'll have these contractions for quite a while. But from what I've seen so far, they've been coming quite quickly so I'd reckon she's almost at 10 centimeters."

"What the bloody hell does that mean?" Remus said, alarmed.

"It means the baby's coming NOW," Monica, Tonks and another voice said unanimously. Monica turned to see a female doctor standing by the end of the bed, smiling slightly.

"I'm Dr. Robinson, and I've been assigned to be your doctor for the labour," the doctor replied, shifting at the end of the bed. "It seems no one else was willing to be here."

All eyes looked at Monica and if she could have blushed, she would have. "I didn't like the other ones," Monica said simply, winking at Tonks.

Dr. Robinson smiled, but then was serious. "Okay Mrs. Lupin, I'm not going to make you take any medication or be subjected to spells that you don't want, but I should just let you know now's probably your last chance to get them."

"I've come this far," Tonks panted as another wave of contractions battered her, "I'm not about to back out now."

"I admire your courage Mrs. Lupin but it's gonna be a long night. Call me Kara, please."

All three nodded, preparing themselves for the night. "Are you sure, Dora? There's no need to be a hero," Monica commented, hovering like a mother hen over her friend.

"You're making me feel weak here, Mo. Of course I'm sure," Tonks replied, setting her jaw determinedly, though her eyes gave away her fear.

"You're definitely not weak Dora. You're the strongest person I know," Monica whispered, going to place her hand through Tonks'. Remus mouthed a thank you from where he sat, and Monica smiled, settling in to support her friends.

After 4 hours of intense labour, in which Tonks had wailed and grunted and pushed through quite bravely, Dr. Kara Robinson finally announced triumphantly that she could see the child's head.

"Thank bloody Merlin! I can't take it anymore!" Remus exclaimed, clutching Tonks' hand hysterically. Tonks just glared back at her husband, unforgiving.

"Merlin's left testicle, _you_ can't take it anymore? Bloody HELL!" Tonks screeched, not for the first time, as she began to push so hard both her face and her hair went redder than the flames of hell.

She pushed two or three more times, Monica and Kara shouting encouragements while she squeezed the circulation out of Remus' hand, before all four of us heard the high-pitched wail of a fifth party entering the world. A small bloody little being was delivered into Kara's arms as Tonks slumped onto the gurney, panting and crying.

There was a moment of breathless silence where it seemed like whole world was still (even the Lupin-Tonks' newborn child) before Kara announced, loudly and proudly, "It's a boy!"

Tonks gasped and whimpered happily as Remus smiled through tears, chuckling breathlessly. Monica smiled, looking over the relieved couple waiting to see their new baby boy.

"Congrats guys," Monica said, smiling wider as she soaked in the moment. She pushed her ever-present sadness away as she witnessed an extreme happiness. Remus and Tonks were so blessed, she realized, to experience so much happiness in their lives. They were living in a Voldemort ruled world and they still experienced contentment unknown to her, even when she was alive. Every day was a gift to them; they had achieved a life that rivaled no other. They had found what everyone spends their whole life looking for. To them it didn't matter what happened tomorrow as long as they were together, the three of them, always.

They both radiated this happiness as they smiled back at Monica, unable to speak. Kara, after performing a cleaning spell and checking over the newborn, walked over by Monica to place the small wailing blue bundle in Tonks' arms before she left to look over Remus' paperwork. When Remus and Tonks looked at the child in her arms, a love struck look fell over their faces unanimously. Seeing this completely perpetual moment, Monica felt like she was intruding on this first moment of theirs as a family. As she floated to the window to make her exit she heard a murmured 'thanks' come from the direction of the gurney.

Monica turned around to see Tonks and Remus sitting on the bed, Tonks smiling at Monica in gratitude. "It was really nice to have you here, Mo. Thank you."

Monica smiled back, looking at Remus' vacant expression amusedly as he looked at the miracle in his wife's arms. "You're welcome. I love you guys. All three of you."

Tonks mustered one last smile for Monica before she went back to coddling her little boy.

Monica floated through the walls of the hospital, fighting off her lingering melancholy and jealousy for a much less happy time. She floated into the dark of early morning smoothly, but not before she heard Tonks whisper "We'll call him Teddy."

_2 months later_

Monica flew over to Tonks and Remus' house one night to find them arguing loudly in panicked voices, gesturing around the nursery. Teddy was wailing in the background, and Monica wondered how they didn't both have headaches. She also hoped that Remus wasn't pulling some paranoid rubbish mistake out of thin air again.

She flew into the yellow nursery (Tonks' colour choice) and when she was spotted, she was immediately pounced on.

"Make him stop!" wailed Tonks, running her fingers through her long brown hair. Monica knew something had to be really wrong if Tonks' hair had gone brown.

"Who, Remus or Teddy?" Monica said in an attempt to lighten the mood. She realized, quite adamantly, that a simple cheesy joke was not going to solve this catastrophe in the life of the Lupins.

"He's been crying for hours, non-stop and we don't know what to do," Remus confessed.

"And it's 2 in the morning for Merlin's sake!" finished Tonks, shaking her head and wringing her hands stressfully.

"Have you tried feeding him? Changing his nappie?" Monica began, looking at Teddy, whose hair was short and sticking straight up in blonde tufts, like he had stuck his finger in a Muggle light socket.

"Yes, what kind of parents do you think we are?" Tonks burst angrily.

Remus put a hand on her shoulder and Tonks just stood frozen, evidently very cranky and tired. Monica assessed the situation fully and, having nursed a little brother who died when he was 2, knew what was wrong immediately.

"Get Teddy a soother," she commanded.

When Remus returned and gave poor little Teddy his soother, the little tot stopped wailing momentarily, but then spat the soother out and resumed crying.

"What's wrong with him?" Remus wondered aloud, now running his hands through his hair in agitation.

Tonks nodded her agreement, finally calming down. "I must be a terrible mum if I can't figure out what's wrong with my son," she fretted.

"No Dora, you're a fantastic mum," Monica replied hastily, not wanting the young woman's spirit to be crushed.

"She's right hun, you're wonderful" Remus replied, pulling Tonks into a hug. Having seen this (_and worse_, Monica thought with a shudder) before, Monica was used to it and found her hopeless romantic side sighing whenever he showed his affection for Tonks, but it still stung her with rejection to see them together. _Well, it seems witnessing first hand you're only love moving on without you does that to a person. Go figure, _Monica thought.

"And fussy children are bloody difficult and unpredictable," Monica put in helpfully. Tonks nodded, pulling away from Remus and looking over Teddy with apprehension. Monica, too, looked over Teddy, her experienced mind coming up blank.

Remus finally walked back over and popped the soother back into Teddy's mouth just as Monica decided to resort to her last-ditch babysitting method.

She started to sing.

Her little brother Tam had been fussy all the time but was always fine after she sang in her jumpy little inexperienced contralto voice.

And Teddy, it seemed, was the same way.

Within the first words out of Monica's voice, which were just little _oohs_, Teddy was silent and completely captivated. His eyes were trained on her translucent form, and the soother feel out of his mouth with a comical wet _pop_, but he didn't start screaming. His little pink mouth stayed a perfect 'O', watching Monica.

She continued to sing the first song that came to her mind, a Muggle pop country song that some witches in the street had been singing earlier. Remus and Tonks were silent as a tomb behind her.

By the end of the song, Teddy was fast asleep. Monica turned to Remus and Tonks, who were simply staring at Monica silently, dazed and jealous. Monica floated out of the room, careful not to wake the sleeping angel, and Tonks followed with Remus trailing behind.

"How—" Remus began, but couldn't seem to finish.

"You're forgetting my experience with fussy toddlers, Loopy. Don't you remember my stories of Tam?" Monica accused lightly, glad she could help the couple in some small way.

"That…that was amazing. Thank goodness you were here, Mo. I had no idea your voice…it's so unique and sweet," Tonks said, smiling broadly as she overcame her shock and relief that Teddy was sleeping soundly.

Monica laughed quietly finding humour in the poor couple's amazement, "It was nothing, seriously. I can come back and do that whenever he's fussy. Or you guys could probably sing and get the same reaction."

Remus and Tonks exchanged a glace or horror and unanimously whispered, "You'd better do it Mo."

Monica smiled; glad to have found a small place in the Lupins' life where she could fit. She knew she'd have to leave them soon, but she didn't see the harm in waiting until Teddy didn't need her anymore. "Alright," she whispered.

Playlist:

Never Grow Up- T Swift

AN: Chapter name is from the song "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift.

Thanks for Reading! Reviews are so appreciated I can't even tell you! Love you all!


	6. You Keep Me From Falling Apart

_**AN: ****Sorry for the long wait! :( I fail, I know.  
**_

_**To tell you the truth, this chapter gave me HELL! I was going to include a LOT more Moaning Myrtle (I have a whole back story planned for her), but instead I took all of my planning out (a good week and a half's worth, maybe longer) and decided that I am going to write Moaning Myrtle her OWN FIC when this one is over. So, look forward to that ;) I also have a Gale/Madge fanfiction (from Hunger Games) in mind for a friend of mine (Also named Hannah) who loves them (Granted, so do I :)). And hey, maybe I'll even write some Draco/Hermione (cause I love them xD). So, lots coming in the future hopefully! *shameful self promotion*  
**_

_**And I apologize for this chapter's ending. It ends horribly, and I am so sorry. Blame Monica. But I will try my best to get the next chapter to you sooner than this one has taken. I've written a fair bit of the next chapter already :)**_

_**The title of this chapter needs an overhaul, so don't be alarmed if I change it. I just kind of ... randomly chose it :P  
**_

_**Anyway, this chapter is pretty long to make up for the wait, and I'm not too proud of the content. It's definitely not my best, and I apologize. But, hopefully you enjoy it anyway :) **_

_Chapter 6: You Keep Me From Falling Apart_

On the morning of Theodore Lupin's 3rd birthday (which just happened to be 1 week before the esteemed Final Battle), Monica looked out over the horizon and took a minute to think. Things had finally settled into a rhythm for Remus and Dora over the past while. Once that first tough year was completed, with the help of Monica's expertise and support from the Weasleys and all the couple's other friends, their little family was the epitome of happiness and purity. When they figured out, after several full moons, that Teddy wasn't a werewolf, it was like the icing on the metaphorical cake. Just watching Remus now made Monica happy; he was finally able to enjoy his family and his life. Tonks was always beaming, changing her hair too many times to count in a day as Teddy named and matched his hair with the colour his mum wore. Teddy was a shining beacon of hope and light in everyone's life, making them all forget the looming threat that Voldemort constantly posed. Even Monica was beginning to feel the stitches of healing, watching their happiness and making it her own. She seemed to always be with the Lupins, smiling and helping raise her adoptive nephew. Monica's favourite thing about Teddy was that he loved her; he called her "Mo-Mo" and always giggled whenever she showed up or floated through things (which she did only to make him happy). She still sang to him at night, and she began to love Teddy the more she came to know him.

She already had talked with Remus and Tonks about making an appearance before the outing to the Muggle zoo they had planned for his birthday. She was also going to come over in the evening to tuck him in and get a delivery man to drop off Teddy's present from her, a mini model of the newest _Nimbus 1000_ for him to fly around (at a limited height)and a blanket enchanted to sing in her voice for when she wasn't around (which wasn't often).

The ghost sighed, regretting another year gone and another year closer to goodbye. Taking only a moment to indulge in the pain, she collected herself and prepared herself for the joys of being around the Lupins. _Besides, I don't have to leave for a few years yet_, she thought optimistically, _and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. _

Monica flew from Grimmauld Place over to the Lupin House across town, and dashed into the living room just as Teddy toddled in, catching sight of her ghostly projection eagerly. "Mo-Mo! It's me birfday!" He shrilled, flashing Monica a gape-toothed smile as he toddled around the house in a nappie and a turquoise t-shirt with the words "birthday wizard" on the front (no doubt Tonks' doing). His hair matched his shirt, a neon turquoise floppy shaggy mess on the top of his head. He ran over to her and ran right through her legs, gurgling and grinning with eyes wide in excitement.

"Oi mate! How old are you, then?" Monica replied, bending down to the tot's level and waiting for an answer she already knew.

"Dis many!" He cried happily, holding up 3 chubby little fingers. He ran over to the couch just as Tonks jogged into the room.

"Wotcher, Monica!" she sang, rushing over to the adjoining kitchen and beginning to pack a cooler full of food.

"G'day! Where's the lovely Messur. Moony?" Monica replied, watching Teddy zip around the house with a manic look of glee on his face.

"He's in the bedroom trying to figure out what is suitable to wear to the zoo," Tonks replied, and the pair of women rolled their eyes in unison.

"Mum, where's ma book?" Teddy questioned, digging under the couch with a disgusted look on his face.

"Which—oh goodness Teddy, where are your slacks? You can't be running around the house half starkers!" Tonks replied, thoroughly amused at the young Lupin's antics but still trying to act mature.

"I'll put 'em on when I find me book!" Teddy replied absently, abandoning the couch to stand in the middle of the red carpet with a confused and frustrated expression.

"Well, which one? Your father's bought you a library full of them," Tonks replied wryly, winking at Monica.

"The blue 'un, with the pur'le elefiants on it," he replied impatiently, his hair turning from turquoise to dark green with his annoyance.

"Oh, that's beside your potty in the loo," Tonks commented, pulling more items out of the fridge.

Teddy went rushing off, Tonks' call of "and it's _elephants_, Teddy, not elefiants!" falling behind as Monica followed him, making sure the little tot didn't trip.

Once Teddy had retrieved the treasured book, he ran into the master bedroom where his father was debating between wearing an argyle sweater or a patched brown vest. "Da! It's me birfday an' I wan' to hear dis book!"

Remus looked down at the toddler gripping the leg of his brown corduroys with an amused grin on his face. "Well buddy, once I'm done getting dressed I'll certainly read it to you," he replied, ruffling his son's hair.

"Wif de voices?" Teddy questioned, looking at Remus with suspicion.

"Of course Ted. Now go out and help your mum in the kitchen and I'll be right along."

Teddy beamed, racing out of the room. Monica heard a muffled _oomph_ and Tonks yelling between fits of laughter, "you silly bloke, you've got a lot to learn from your uncle Fred and uncle George if you can't even steal a crumpet without dumping the whole sodding jar on your head!"

Monica turned back around and looked at Remus as he quirked an eyebrow and asked, "Well, are you going to give your two cents here or not? I've got an important date with Ki-Ki the purple elephant and Ted."

Monica looked at the bed where Remus had laid out the two choices, looked between Remus and the clothes with a critical eye and announced, "I think Teddy will love you in either…"

"But…" Remus interrupted, knowing that his favourite ghost would always have her own strong opinion.

"…but _I_ will love you in the vest. Argyle makes you look like some random old nerd."

Remus laughed, taking the vest off the hanger and tugging it on over his head. "Fair enough, but I have to disagree. Argyle is stylish, which you'd know nothing about. And technically I _am_ an old nerd, but that's another matter."

Monica laughed as Remus pulled on the vest and, distracted with putting on his shoes, walked right through her. She felt a scalding painful sensation as it happened, like someone was drawing her secrets and her soul out of her body, and then he was on the other side and still going towards the door.

"Apologies mate," Remus called as he left the room, "but I'm late for a very important date, as that Muggle nutter Lewis Carrol once said."

Monica's reply of '_you've clearly been reading too much Muggle literature to Teddy_' died on her lips as she came to the astounding conclusion that Remus had _walked right through her_. Remus knew how much Monica hated it when even just plain books were thrown through her, which didn't even hurt terribly because they weren't alive, and he had just walked through her like it was nothing. Things going through her not only make her feel deader than ever, it can also cause agony if the object is alive (which Remus clearly is). And although he knew all this, she had only gotten a small 'apology'? Monica shook her head at her thoughts. _I'm just being dramatic, it was an accident and he's probably just forgotten about_ _how I feel about that kind of thing_ she reasoned, floating out of the room and back to the kitchen, where Tonks was just throwing away the last of the spilt crumpets and Remus was reading to Teddy on the couch in a nasally feminine voice.

"Well, I guess I better head out and let you guys get to the zoo," Monica commented, floating over to Tonks.

"Alright Mo, I guess we'll see you tonight," Remus called from the couch as he finished the book and closed it.

"Buh-bye Auntie Mo-Mo," Teddy sang from the couch, running up the stairs to his room to grab his wand and probably some slacks as Monica's goodbye trailed behind him.

"He doesn't seem like he'll miss me too terribly," Monica commented dryly as she floated toward the door.

"Oh he will, just wait and see," Tonks remarked, looking up the stairs wistfully.

Monica was almost out the door when Tonks called out for her to wait. "Do you want us to wait for you so you can help Teddy blow out the candles on his cake?" She called, wrapping her arms around Remus' waist and tucking in to his side.

"Are you sure you wouldn't mind?" Monica questioned tentatively, thrilled at the invitation to see Teddy blow out his candles.

"Of course not, Mo," Remus said with a smile.

"Alright then, I'll see you guys at 5:30!" Monica said, smiling and waving as she stepped out the door.

_Now to figure out what to do with myself until then_ she thought ruefully.

Monica decided to float on over to Hogwarts to spend her day with Moaning Myrtle, the girl's lavatory ghost. A truly miserable ghost after her death, it always made Monica a bit sad but also slightly happy to see her. It was tragic that she was so depressed, but it always made Monica happy to know her troubles couldn't possibly be worse than Myrtle's. Besides, the poor girl was hopelessly lonely (a feeling Monica knew well), and always seemed to have eerily good advice.

The second Monica entered the bathroom, Myrtle was moaning. "booooohoooo!" she wailed, retching and sobbing in her stall.

"Oh lighten up you sap," Monica muttered, "It's just me."

"Monicaa!" Myrtle began, about to launch into a full-out cry fest.

"Myrtle, I came here to waste time and that's it. Please don't give me the full rant—" Monica pleaded hurriedly, hoping to avoid the storm that was imminent.

"Monicaaaaaa!" Myrtle sobbed, "You're the only one who understands me! Those mean girls in Slytherin, they throw books through me and splash water at me like I'm some sort of mangy curr! They're no better than me! And one day they'll be dead and I'll still be here," Myrtle threw the stall door open dramatically as she floated around the sinks crying.

"Yes, yes, I've heard it before," Monica sighed, exasperated.

"Well, your afterlife's not so wonderful either," Myrtle retorted. "At least I don't try to hide my misery. How is Remus, by the way? Oh, your love story is so _tragic_!"

Monica waited for Myrtle to stop moaning but, realizing she was waiting in vain, she interjected, "Fine! Everything's just fine."

"Doesn't _sound_ fine," Myrtle observed coyly, coming to rest in front of Monica to stare critically.

"_No_, Myrtle, this happens every time I come here, but I won't let you get to me this time!" Monica insisted.

"What's the harm?" Myrtle coaxed enticingly. "Having a good cry is healthy and always helps. I should know."

"Because crying is pathetic and a complete waste," Monica grumbled, turning to leave.

"Waste of what, time? You said you needed it, and you've been looking strained. Besides, we both have so much time, we've got centuries of time to do things. You deserve to get it off your chest like I always do," Myrtle called after her, floating to the rafters to wait.

Monica knew it was a terrible idea, but before she knew it she was spilling her guts to Moaning Myrtle. _Why is it that she always reduces me to a snivelling mess_? Monica wondered.

Myrtle waited while Monica sighed, yelled, cried and exasperated her way through the story. Monica let it all out: Remus ignoring her and walking through her, feeling unwanted and left out, and her lingering unhappiness, jealousy, confusion and love. When Monica had finally finished being dramatic, Myrtle sighed. "Is that _all_?" She questioned, exasperated.

"All of _that_," Monica panted, "and the first thing out of your mouth is to wonder if I'm _finished_?"

"Yes, because I have something to say and I want to know if I can finally say it."

"Okayy…" Monica said uncertainly, hoping that Myrtle had good advice.

"I was in love once, so I know how this feels. It's actually part of the reason I'm _such_ a tragedy. My advice shouldn't be taken lightly, you know. So I mean it when I say I think it's time for you to leave him, Monica. He obviously doesn't need you anymore."

Monica just stared at Myrtle in shock. _She __cannot__ be serious_, Monica thought wildly, refusing to even consider that Myrtle might be right. "No, it's not that bad. He still cares, and they all still need me," Monica countered sharply.

"Yes? Well, I don't see what they need you for," Myrtle began. "You'll have to leave him sometime. The longer you wait the more terrible you'll feel, I should know."

Monica's blood began to boil with every word out of Myrtle's mouth. Finally, she couldn't hold back her anger any more. "You're _wrong_, okay? You're just a sobbing little miserable ghost with no afterlife to speak of and a bitchy attitude! Remus still cares about me and needs me, I just know it. Just because he's a bit absent-minded doesn't mean he doesn't care, alright? Now, I'm leaving to go see the people who _really_ care about me!"

Monica glared at a newly-sniffling Myrtle before she zoomed out of the lavatory, pushing her doubts aside. Catching a glimpse of a clock within a Wizarding shop window, she realized it was 5:20. Remembering that she was due at the Lupins' house in 10 minutes, she picked up her pace through the crisp April air, determined to see her friends to prove to Myrtle and the doubting side of herself that they still wanted and needed her.

But what she saw through their living room window chilled Monica's blood and only further proved Myrtle's theory:

The Lupins had forgotten about her.

There, sitting at the kitchen table, was Remus, Tonks and Teddy, all eating a rather large helping of cake and opening presents. The candles were already blown out and discarded into the trash. Monica checked the kitchen clock through the window to make sure she wasn't late, only to see she was actually 5 minutes early. Monica, shocked and devastated, floated down to sit in the garden below the kitchen window. Myrtle's words of advice swirled in her foggy brain, repeating them over and over, _"Well, I don't see what they need you for,"_ _"You'll have to leave him sometime,"_ _"The longer you wait the more terrible you'll feel"_. Looking at the evidence, Monica could deny it no longer: it was time to pass on. Moaning Myrtle had been right: they hadn't missed her, they didn't need her. They had finally moved on, and now she needed to as well.

Even thinking the words _pass on _was hard for Monica, but she knew that she had no other option. She had promised to leave when the time was right, and there was no better time than now. _But how? How will I be able to get the strength to leave the only really good thing I've had in my entire life?_ Monica wondered, her thoughts looping and colliding uselessly in her head. _I've always been the one left, the one told what to do. How can I leave the only thing that's important? I don't think I can. I have to give everything up. How could I have possibly prepared for this?_ _Why couldn't I stay, why did I have to die?_

Despite her questions and her fears, Monica knew in her still heart that it was best for everyone that she leave as soon as could be. _And just this morning, I was thinking I had years left_, she thought despairingly, _now I only have hours._

Monica floated into the room just as Tonks began doing the dishes and Remus walked upstairs to grab something for Teddy. "How was the zoo? What about the cake?" Monica asked pointedly, hoping Tonks would get the hint and apologize.

"Oh, it was great Mo," Tonks replied with a grin. "The cake was triple chocolate at Teddy's request. That tiny tosser's become a chocolate addict just like his dad. He loved your presents, too, by the way. Couldn't stop kipping around on that Nimbus model and almost crashed into the kitchen table at once point. At the zoo, Teddy was completely fascinated the whole time. He was rushing around so fast we could hardly keep up with him. His favourite animal was the chameleons. Every time they'd change colour, he'd change his hair colour. The little nonce thinks he's a chameleon now."

Monica took a look over at Teddy and couldn't help but smile at the little Lupin. He was currently running over to different things and changing his hair colour to match. Deciding she might find comfort in the fact that Teddy was always glad to see her, she flew over. "Hey little man," she began as cheerfully as she could manage, "how was your birthday?"

Teddy smiled and rushed over to Monica and began trying to match his hair colour to her translucent, dead blue. Unfortunately, Teddy could only get his hair colour to a solid pale blue, not Monica's ghostly translucent glow. "My hair's not working!" Teddy cried, glaring at Monica. "You broke my hair, Mo-Mo! Now I can't be a chameleon anymore!"

Teddy stared disdainfully up at Monica for a few seconds before he burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Ted—" Monica began, but the little tot cut her off.

"Go 'way Mo! Don't come back!" He screeched, getting up and running up the wooden staircase to his room. Hearing Teddy's bedroom door slam was like a knife in Monica's ghostly heart. _He doesn't want me anymore either_, she realized with a pang. _So really, why am I still here? Is there anyone who __does__ need me?_

Tonks looked over at Monica apologetically, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Mo. I'll go talk to him." She promised, working her way up the stairs after her son.

Monica stared after them, feeling worse than she had her whole life. _It's time_, Monica thought to herself. Forcing herself to complete the thought, she whispered aloud, "It's time to leave them."

Just as Monica gave up and resigned herself to her fate, she heard muffled whispering and a set of feet stomping down the stairs as Remus came into view, looking furious. "What did you do to him?" He demanded, walking across the room to stand in front of Monica, arms crossed.

"Me? I didn't do anything!" Monica exclaimed, shocked that Remus was basically blaming her for being _dead_.

"If you didn't do anything, why is my son upstairs crying and mumbling your name?" Remus accused, staring Monica down angrily from across the living room.

"The only thing I did to him is be dead," Monica explained calmly, knowing that getting angry right now would not be productive to getting Remus to calm down. "He thought he was a chameleon, but when he couldn't turn my ghostly colour he got upset and ran away."

Remus was silent for a very long second before he looked back at Monica with lingering rage. "Well, you better go in there and make it right. Read him a story or something."

Looking at Remus, Monica's hands began to shake with rage. Her day had been less than spectacular thanks to him, and he unknowingly continued to make it worse. She debated just spitting out her goodbye and leaving in a dramatic fashion, but realized she couldn't. Her leaving was a huge milestone, a huge step, the end of everything her life had been. She couldn't just support Remus for 18 years only to leave in a storm of fury and dramatics, no matter how distant he'd become or how quickly he'd slipped away from her.

"Fine," she hissed, floating up the stairs and to the door of Teddy's room, stepping through the solid oak and into the room. His room was different from the nursery that had once housed him, it was now a mess of blue, green, yellow and orange coloured walls (his choice) with a bed and toys strung around the room haphazardly. The overhead lamp was off, but Tonks had lit a small night light and was talking to Teddy in a low voice as he continued to cry quietly. Upon hearing Monica enter, Teddy and Tonks looked up, Teddy with tear stained eyes and Tonks with kind ones. "Can you give us a moment?" Monica asked, looking to Tonks with a lopsided smile.

"Of course," Tonks replied, standing to ruffle Teddy's hair before she walked opened the door and walked out.

"Hey little guy," Monica began, seeing Teddy shy away from her into the covers. "How're you doing?"

Teddy just turned to give Monica his best '_I hate you'_ face before scootching up the bed to his pillows. "Not a chameleon 'cause of you," Teddy muttered, pouting.

"I'm really sorry mate, but I'll tell you something: what you are is better than any ordinary chameleon." Monica replied, floating by the end of his bed.

At first there was no reply, then a muffled tiny voice whispered, "wreally?"

"Definitely," Monica replied, glad she was getting somewhere. "You're a wizard. When you're older, you'll be able to change socks into chocolate bars and hex the people who you don't fancy. Changing your appearance is an added bonus! Sounds much better than some smelly old lizard that eats bugs, now doesn't it?"

Teddy had finally emerged from his nest of pillows to smile tentatively at Monica. "I guess so," he admitted, smiling slightly.

"There's a lad. Am I forgiven then?" Monica asked, secretly feeling a bit bad inside. Make him love her again just to desert him hours later sounded a bit cruel, but she reminded herself it would be worse if she left when he was older and would actually be able to remember her. It stung to think that he would forget her someday, but really she had no right to know him in the first place. Every second she spent with him was stolen, and she couldn't keep being selfish and taking all the happiness for herself. It he forgot her, so be it. It was better this way.

Teddy deliberated for a second, a confused but adorable look on his face as his hair changed from the sad brown it had been into a bright blonde. "Yep," he finally decided, snuggling into the covers.

Monica smiled, glad to be back in Teddy's good books. _Now comes the hard part_, she thought wearily. "Ted," she began tentatively, not quite sure how to tell a child that she was leaving.

"Yes, Mo-Mo?" He sang, laying in bed and looking at her with trusting eyes.

"I'm gonna have to go away for a while," she confessed slowly, looking into the little toddler's face with sadness. "I've got some things to do in Ghostland. But I want you to know that even though I'll be gone for a while, I'll always be watching over you, okay? You may not see me but I'm there, looking out for you and cheering you on. Alright?"

Teddy nodded enthusiastically. "Come back soon, kay? Cause I wuv you, Mo-Mo, and I won't wet you weave me."

Monica's heart broke at the sight of the youngest Lupin, telling her to return and knowing in her heart that she never would. "I will," she called, preparing to walk through the door and leave him behind for more goodbyes outside the door.

"Wait!" Teddy called, sitting upright in bed.

Monica turned, trying not to cry at the sight of one of the most important things she was going to be leaving behind. "What is it, squirt?" She wondered.

"You gotsta read me a stowy," Teddy said firmly. "Yous is goin' away, and I want a stowy. A sad one."

Monica laughed, her laughter ringing through his room. "Alright, Your Highness," she said sarcastically, floating over the hover beside him. "But why a sad story?"

"Becawse I'm stiwl sad, and sad stowies make me feewl betta," Teddy informed her, settling back into bed.

And at these words, Monica had an idea. A brilliant, but miserable idea. If she was actually going to do it, leave the Lupins forever (which she had already began with her story to Teddy), then there was something Remus deserved to know. Throughout the 18 years that Monica had been a ghost, she had kept no secrets from Remus, save one. Monica had kept this secret from Remus not from cowardice, but from necessity. If he knew her secret, it would make him feel terrible and guilty for the rest of his life. Monica never wanted that, never blamed him for anything, so she kept it from him. Nonetheless, someone deserved to know and for Remus' overall closure and peace of mind, it should be him.

But a secret hidden for 18 years is a hard secret to tell, and Monica's Gryffindor courage only went so far. So, she decided that if she hid her secret inside a story to Teddy, disguised it in such a way that only she and possibly Remus could figure it out, then she could tell him without actually telling him to his face. And if he never figured it out, well then he wasn't meant to know. _Cowardly but effective_, she decided.

"Alright, I have a really good sad story that I've been saving. But it's really scary, too" Monica said resolutely, looking down at Teddy and trying to memorize his face before she began.

Teddy nodded his head excitedly. "I'm wready! I won't be scawed!"

Monica smiled at the hyper tot before she raised her voice to call for Remus and Tonks. They opened the door and, upon seeing the smile on Teddy's face, immediately smiled in return.

"I was just going to tell him a sad story, on his request," Monica explained, "And I wanted you two to hear it."

The elder Lupins nodded, sitting on the very bottom of the bed while Monica sat at the top with Teddy.

"Alright, here we go," Monica said grimly, and began telling the story of how she died.

Playlist:

I Will Be- Avril Lavigne (Chapter Title)

Turning Tables- Adele

**AN:** _**So, that's it ladies and gents. Stay turned for the epic story and all the messy and tragic aftermath! :( **_

_**Hope you enjoyed, and you have NO IDEA how much I look forward to reviews and favourites :) And I could deff use any (nicely worded) constructive criticism that I can get :)**_ **_Love you all!_**


	7. Unreachable

**AN:** _Alrighty folks, this is it. Picks up right when I left off in Chapter 6. _

_This chapter was extremely hard to write (and I'm sorry it took sooo sooo long) and I am glad I'm done with it. I'm sure you might all hate me for this, but I just wanna let you know in advance THIS FIC IS NOT OVER. And there will be more angsty sadness on the way. _

_Just so you all know, I'm planning on no more than 3 chapters tops left, 2 full chapters and an epilogue. While I will be sad to part with this story and its characters, I have a lot of exciting plans for future stories :)_

_Also NOTE: Monica's story is purposefully kiddish, because she needs to talk in such a way that a 3 year old can understand without asking "What's that mean?" Every 2 seconds. Also, her story is supposed to be a web of lies around the truth. So, it's supposed to be different from the truth (which you do find out thanks to Remus).  
_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, Remus and Tonks would still be alive, and the whole series would be different (coughDramionecough).**

_Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this. It's been a lot of hard work coming ! :) And REVIEWS=LOVE. Seriously ;)_

_Chapter 7: Unreachable_

"_She cries, this is more than goodbye  
When I look in your eyes, you're not even there…"_

_~Maroon 5, "Just a Feeling"_

"Once upon a time, in a village far away" Monica began, "a wizard and a witch met for the first time. The first time the young red haired girl set her green eyes on the boy, he caught her attention. His hazel eyes, and his wild black hair and his shy smile all made her want to get to know his secrets. When she found out the boy's biggest secret, that twice a year he was not always the nice shy boy she knew, it just made her love him more. She got as close to him as he'd let her, becoming his best friend and doing everything she could to get him to love her."

Teddy looked up at Monica with a rapt expression, captivated by the story. "Why's it sad?" Teddy asked.

"Because the boy never really did fall in love with her," Monica replied, glancing back to stare at Remus for a second, willing his indifferent appearance to understand before she turned back around to face Teddy. "Not when it mattered. You see, Teddy, love is a very strong thing. It has the power to make you happier than you've even been, but it also has the power to make you very sad if you trust it with the wrong person. Love was a very important thing to the boy, something that he would not give away to just anyone. The girl's friendship and support was not enough to win him over, not really. Well, the boy felt something for her and after 6 years of the girl's hard work, they began to date when they were 16. The girl had never been happier in her entire life, and knew that she would continue her hard work to deserve his love. But even though the boy liked her a lot, he could never make himself say he loved her. The girl was sad, but she knew one day when he did say it, the wait would be worth it. Little did the girl know that all her hard work would be wasted."

Teddy gasped, his little hands clamped over his mouth. "Why?" he whispered anxiously.

"Because her luck was turning down, and her happiness could not last forever."

Teddy's eyes grew as large as saucers, and tiny tears began to slide down his face and Monica instantly felt terrible. Why had she inflicted her death story on Teddy? It was a despicable thing to do. "I'm sorry Ted, would you like me to stop?" Monica asked sympathetically, placing her hand through his.

Teddy shook his head earnestly. "No, No, No, Mo-Mo you haf to finish!" Teddy exclaimed, making as if to grab for her robes but checked himself when he remembered she was a ghost.

"Alright, if you insist," Monica said quietly, settling back in for the hard part.

"The girl and the boy continued to date, and things were wonderful for them as the days turned into years and they were finally 18. But their happiness and laziness came to a sudden end one night."

"The boy's secret was that twice a year, on the first day of summer and the first day of winter, he became an evil being, much like a Dementor that hunted for blood instead of happiness. The boy was a slave to this curse and could do nothing about it; he didn't want to be cursed, but ever since he was young he'd been stuck with it. The girl, who had known this since she was 11, had helped him over the years as best she could, always arming herself with her wand and staying a safe distance but staying out all night with him."

"But on that one fall night, he had told her he didn't need her help, that he could handle his transformation this time. He convinced her with false promises that things would be okay, already half possessed by the curse. And on that night, when the girl was out late coming back from a friend's house, he changed and attacked her. The foolish girl had forgotten her wand at her friend's house, reassured by the boy that she was safe. The boy attacked her, completely haunted by the devil, and knocked her to the ground. When she realized that the boy had been wrong and that he didn't have control, she ran off into the night, desperate to get away from the monster. The boy followed at her heels, only thinking about her death. But no matter what happened, the girl would not scream or cry for help. No one knew the boy's secret, and she knew that bad things would happen to him if people found out. It was then, running from the thing she loved most that she realized the boy was going to kill her if she didn't do something. The little girl was so in love that she didn't want the boy to have to feel guilt over killing her. He was all that mattered to her, and she knew that if he killed someone it would change him, make him into a different person. As the pair raced down the dark street, the girl spotted out of the corner of her wild desperate eyes the boy's clothes where he had changed and, among them, his wand. The girl dove for the aftermath of his change, followed by the boy in his monstrous state. She took hold of his wand, backing herself up against a tree on the edge of a forest as she tried to speak calmly to him. He kept advancing, and the girl knew she had only one choice. Having been in training to be an Auror (that's what your mum does, Ted; getting rid of the bad guys) her curses could pack quite a punch. Though she was not allowed to, and didn't dare even dream of using, the curse she was about to attempt, she knew it was her only chance. She pointed the boy's wand against her throat and screamed '_Avada Kedavra'. _A brilliant green flash, an unmistakable and excruciating pain and that killing curse, one of the Unforgivable Curses and a very serious offense against the law, killed the girl where she trembled."

Teddy gasped, eyes wide with fear as if he were experiencing the emerald flash of the killing curse right in his tiny bedroom. "Oh no!" he wailed, but didn't cry. Monica could hear a muffled sob from behind her and a pair of heavy footsteps treading down the hall. There was a pause before a set of light and awkward feet followed, signaling the exit of Remus and Tonks.

Monica pressed her lips together in a grim and watery smile at his reaction. "It's pretty sad," she admitted.

"Is dat it?" Teddy asked sadly, burrowing into his covers.

"Well, the girl lingered for many, many years, thinking about her choices and watching the boy grow up and struggle but eventually move on and be happy, unaware of her sacrifice. She gave everything up, Ted, for a boy who couldn't even tell her he loved her, who would probably someday forget her. If that's not tragic, I'm not sure what is! So I hope you feel better, squirt," Monica replied, smiling down at the little boy.

Teddy nodded. "It's vewy sad, but I feew much betta. Nighty night, Mo-Mo!" Teddy exclaimed.

Monica was taken aback. "Don't you want me to sing to you?" she wondered, afraid of the answer.

Teddy just smiled lovingly, shutting his eyes. "No, Auntie Mo-Mo. I'm a big kid now and I don't need songws to make me sweep." Unable to hold back her tears at how complete Teddy was making her departure, she reached up to brush them away.

"Don't cwy, Mo-Mo!" Teddy howled, clutching at his blankets with his lower lip trembling.

"I'm just gonna miss you so much, Teddy. I love you, and I always will" Monica whispered desperately, clutching Teddy's hands as if she could really hold his hand and never let life rip them apart.

After composing herself and preparing for some equally hard goodbyes waiting outside the door, Monica straightened up, looking at Teddy for the last time. "I gotta go now buddy, okay? Have a good sleep."

"I wuv you, Mo-Mo," Teddy whispered, rolling over and shutting his eyes.

Monica floated through Teddy's energetic room and out the door, leaving one of her 3 hard goodbyes behind her.

Once she was out in the hallway, she quickly realized that the Lupins had obviously gone downstairs, probably hoping to talk to her without waking Teddy.

Monica drifted down the stairs, feeling the familiar pangs of dread shoot daggers through her stomach. When she reached the bottom and saw Remus and Tonks sitting silent and rigid on the ratty beige sofa, she sighed shortly. "I'm sorry," she whispered to them, "but I'm leaving."

Tonks turned her head and then stood up (clumsily knocking over the table in the process), shock on her face. "What? Why? I need some answers here, Mo. Remus won't tell me what's gotten into him, and you're leaving out of nowhere. Whatever it is, you don't need to leave Monica. We can sort this out without going to extremes."

"No, we can't," Monica whispered, looking past Tonks to Remus. "I already told Teddy I was leaving. It's time, Tonks. You know it just as well as I do, as Remus does."

"How can you say that?" Tonks choked, biting her lip. "None of us want you to go! Why now, what made you think now was the time? Did we do something wrong?"

Monica shook her head, fighting off tears. "No, you three are perfect. This is my decision and mine alone. Don't blame yourselves."

Tonks shook her head, not believing a single word. "We must have done something, Mo, and you better tell me what it is!"

Monica took one look at the determined woman and realized that Tonks wasn't going to let Monica go anywhere without all the answers. "Tonks, I love all of you guys, probably more than you know. But I've just been thinking really hard about my life and the time I've got left to be here, and I just realized it wasn't much. You guys are getting along well and Teddy's doing spectacularly. I just feel like I've outlived my usefulness, and that it will be easier to leave now when you'll have longer to accept my departure and Teddy may never remember me. It's better this way."

"'Outlived your usefulness'? What do you mean? Did we—" Tonks began, and then abruptly fell silent. "We forgot. Merlin's beard, we forgot to wait." Tonks whispered, looking up at Monica with tortured eyes. "Monica, I—I'm so sorry. With the whole craziness of the day and what have you… I completely forgot that we were going to wait for you to blow out candles with Ted. Bugger, I'm stupid!"

Tonks sat down beside Remus, running her hands through her hair roughly. Suddenly she jumped again and looked up through her fingers at Monica. "That story you just told Ted… you tried to change things and mislead us, but it was you and Remus wasn't it? The witch and the wizard? _That's how you died_? Why didn't you tell me? Merlin's middle finger, Mo, I can't believe it! I thought you were murdered but… you killed yourself? How could I possibly take your place by Remus' side after you sacrificed all that for him?" Tonks burst out in a short sob before she sat beside Remus again, trying to not completely dissolve into tears.

Seeing this, Monica felt terrible and couldn't let Tonks beat herself up any longer. "Tonks quit that rubbish! Look, I know you love me, and I love you too. You're the best friend a girl could even hope to have. You're funny, smart, lovable, sweet, protective, cheerful, and you're always there for me. You love Remus just as much as I do, but can set him straight even when I can't. You know me inside and out, and no matter where I go I'm going to miss you. I love you to bits! But I just can't stay, Dora. Not for you, not for Teddy, not for anyone. I'm so sorry I have to hurt you, Dora, but I've got to do this for me _and_ for you. It will be better for everyone someday. Maybe not today, but someday."

Tonks stood from the couch again, tears leaving wet tracks down her face like angry scars. She stood in front of Monica, looking her straight in the eyes defiantly. "If you leave now, I'll always believe that I made you leave. Please don't go, Mo. _Please_? Without you I'll have to make it through everything without my best mate. I—I'm just going to miss you so much. I can't let you leave!"

Feeling the crushing weight of loss hit her full in the face, Monica lost her control and began speaking in lurching sobs. "Stop this Tonks! I love you, but I have to go! There's nothing left for me here. I love you and I'm so happy for you guys, happier than I've ever been in my whole life. But this life is yours, and Remus' and Teddy's. _It's not mine_. I'm stealing time from a life I shouldn't even have, and it's wrong of me. I've got to move on sometime, and right now it's right. Let me go, Tonks. I beg you."

During the tense silence that followed, something in Tonks irreparably broke. "No, Monica, No! Who will I talk to when I'm sad now? Who will I run to when Teddy's acting up? Who will yell and scream at Remus for me but love him just as much as I do? I'll never find someone else like you, Mo. And the fact that your dead and you have to leave is SHIT!"

Tonks began to sob horribly, picking herself up and lurching from the room and almost hitting the wall in the process. When Monica heard the front door slam she went to follow, but was stopped by a hollow voice, one that she seemed to have forgotten. "Leave her, Mo. You know her just as well as I do. She needs to work this out on her own."

Monica turned around to face Remus, whose face was still in his hands. _Time to face the final goodbye_, she thought with dread. "I know she does," Monica whispered, "I'm just going to miss her, and I'd rather I helped her accept it than let her deal with it alone."

"She's going to have to learn how to deal with things without you now anyway," Remus replied shortly. "You might as well give her this chance to see what she'll be dealing with for the rest of her life without her best friend by her side."

"I guess I deserved that," Monica whispered, letting Remus verbally slap her in the face without resistance.

"And that story? The one you told Ted?" Remus said hoarsely, finally looking up out of his hands. "It was you, wasn't it? It was us? You… you died for me? _Why_? You just delayed the guilt, you didn't smother it."

Monica looked back guiltily, accepting this. "I couldn't let you blame yourself, Remus. I don't want you to blame yourself. I didn't even tell you that story until you had some wisdom, age, and the support of someone who loves you like I do to help you through. Now I feel like you can have some closure. You finally know who killed me: myself. That night I was so frightened, and so unwilling to let you rip me apart and have to live with it afterwards, that I just acted on instinct."

Remus stood up and began pacing the room, putting everything together while he wrung his hands. "When I changed that night, I must have caught your scent that was stronger as you were sweating. You were practicing Quidditch alone, racing around with a Quaffle under your arm without a care in the world because_ I told you so_. I must have knocked you off your broom and broke it when you were going in for a low dive. If things went with your story, I chased you over to the edge of the Quidditch pitch where your clothes were, and when you couldn't talk me into coherent thought, I attacked and you killed yourself. I remember when I was myself again the next morning, finding you lying there by the Quidditch pitch like a broken doll. I ran over to you and tried to heal you with my wand, which was lying beside you. I should have realized the killer—you—probably used that wand for the murder. But I couldn't heal you because you were already gone. When the teachers heard me wailing over your body, they came to do the investigation. They tested my wand to see what spells it had just performed, but of course the spell revealed that it was the healing spells I tried to use on you that the wand had performed last, not the curse. And that day, you returned to me at night and I never thought to question you about it because I was just happy to have you back. I've been a right proper fool, Monica. And I don't deserve to ask for forgiveness for any of my part in this, but I am so sorry."

Monica was shaking her head before Remus even finished. "No, Remus, you have got to stop thinking like this. Do you think I told you to make you feel bad? Do you think I blame you for any of the choices I made? If you are simply too dim-witted to get what I'm saying, the answer to both is no. _I_ made those choices, not you. You can hate me for them, but you don't need to understand them and you don't need to blame yourself for them. I committed suicide for the reason most people do: because it was better than the alternative. Hate me if you want, but don't hate yourself. I didn't give up my life for that."

"You shouldn't have killed yourself, Monica. I'll always blame myself now, for taking the future away from you because of my disease." Remus replied miserably, turning from his pacing to face her.

"You're right; I died for your lycanthropy. But that isn't your fault either, Remus! You didn't choose to be a werewolf and you didn't choose to almost kill me! What would you have done if the shoe was on the other foot, so to speak? What if I had been the demonic wolf, come to kill you, and you had been the stupid scared victim? You would have done the same thing, wouldn't you?" Monica shouted, hoping she wouldn't wake Teddy.

There was a long pause before Remus could speak again. "Maybe I would have, Monica, but we'll never know now, will we? All we know is that you died, you came back, and now nearly 20 years later you're leaving me again!"

The pair sat in stony silence for a minute before Monica got fed up with sitting there and wasting her little remaining time in this life. "I hate when I feel like I have so much to say but I can't put it into words," she began. "It's like standing on stage without a speech."

Remus nodded but didn't say anything. Monica knew that this ear-splitting silence was just a tangible form of their mutual stubbornness; both refused to break down and say what they really felt, because they both didn't want to acknowledge that this really was goodbye after all they'd been through. Through pain, love, growing up and even death, they had stuck it through together until now. This was it.

Monica tried to hold onto her composure but she finally gave up, dropped the mask and let the tears run down her face. She wanted to sound angry, but only sounded like she was begging as she whispered, "_Shit_, I can't do this anymore. Look, I love you Remus. Maybe you won't say it back because it isn't like that with us anymore, but I still want you to know… I love you. And I couldn't stop loving you even if I wanted to, even if I fancied trying."

"Oh Mo," Remus gasped, his voice breaking just like his hardened walls. "Of course I love you. You've been there through everything; you've been my constant, my foundation, my wings. How do you expect me to fly without wings?"

"You let someone carry you," Monica replied wisely, but her voice shook. "You, Tonks and Teddy will get through this together. I didn't leave you without support, and I'm giving you warning just like I promise all those years ago when we talked about it. Let them carry you for a while, Remus. You will heal someday, and learn to live without wings."

"Why now? Why are you leaving now? Don't you love me at all?" Remus asked, going back to sit on the couch in his 'kicked puppy' pose, head in hands.

Monica floated over to Remus, placing her hands just above his thighs. He looked up and reached out a hand as if to touch her face until he realized that she was unreachable. She looked at Remus achingly, yearning to make him understand how she felt. "Of course I love you, Remus John Lupin. And that's exactly why I've got to go and quit complicating things. I've done nothing with my life but procrastinate and stall for time to stay here with you because I love you more than someone only half alive really should. I used excuse after excuse to stay; keeping you company, keeping you safe, getting you with Tonks, keeping you guys together, staying for the sake of Teddy. But staying here longer, even I can admit it's selfish and wrong. No one needs me anymore, Remus. Not even you. Look, I know how I feel about you, and I'm pretty sure I know how you feel about me. Staying here is just causing problems and hurting everyone more than it's helping. And I've got to go before I change my mind and continue being ignorant to the truth: that I should have left when I died. And that the longer I wait, the more painful it will be for everyone."

"Would you just quit worrying about everyone else!" Remus shouted angrily, jumping up. "You never think for yourself, never!"

"All I seem to do is think about myself!" Monica countered angrily. "That's all I've been doing for 20 years. I've got to go, Remus. I'll admit that I miss you, I miss us. But I can't think about those things anymore. I've got to move on because this, this is pointless. This loving you while hurting you, this meaningless masochism, this useless clinging to life has all got to end here. You don't have to agree or be happy about it, but please accept it. Give me your blessing to pass on, as it were, so I can truly be at peace. I would rather we ended our 27 year strong friendship with good memories, tears and well wishing than in dramatic anger and fury."

Remus finally looked up at Monica with eyes full of hidden suffering, and she looked back into their molten depths for the last time. She saw in them every good memory they shared, from the Quidditch matches to their first kiss to just sitting around on lazy days, learning more about each other and talking about nothing. She also glimpsed every sadness they had experienced together, from Remus' transformations to her death to their feelings and this very moment, the ultimate goodbye. She absorbed all his emotions, remembering everything about him that she loved, which was nearabouts everything. She understood, just from this silent bond and communication, how much she meant to him and how much he was giving up to let her go. Monica hated that she had to force upon him this pain and sadness, but she knew it was unavoidable. In that moment, the two of them connected and shared a silent conversation, a silent goodbye that closed the book on their long history together.

Remus, as always, was the first to look away, staring down at the floor. "I wonder if there will ever be a day when I forget all about you," Remus whispered, so faint Monica barely heard him. "And I wonder if when that day comes I'll be happier or even more heartbroken."

"I hope you are able to forget about me, even though I know it won't matter where I'm going, I'll always remember everything about you. Without my permission, you've come to define me. I hope it's not the same with you. I hope you can forget and be happy."

"Why?" He whispered, following a barely constrained sob. "How can you just float there and say you hope to be forgotten?"

"Because I love you Remus," Monica said simply, turning to float to the door.

"I love you too, Monica Devlin. I always will." Remus murmured to her back.

"I know. I wish it was enough," Monica whispered, so close to the door.

"Enough to what?" Remus asked, confusion mingling with the misery.

"Enough to keep me here with you," she whispered, finally disappearing through the door and out into the crisp night air, leaving herself behind for an unknown future.

**Playlist:**

**Disarm- Smashing Pumpkins**

**Goodbye- Avril Lavigne**

**The Answer- Automatic Loveletter**

**The Guest- Automatic Loveletter**

**Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy**

**Last Dance- Camera Can't Lie**

**Calls Me Home- Shannon Labrie**

**AN: **_Thanks for reading! Means a lot to me, you have no idea :) Hope you liked it, and please review! _

_Coming up in the fic... 2 chapters of epic kick assery, a death or two, Moaning Myrtle and more angst... :)_**  
**


	8. Crash

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  
**

**AN:** I am so sorry everyone :'( I feel really terrible for taking so long to update, and to make matters worse I think this is the worst chapter I've ever written. For anything. Ever -.- I only posted it because I feel so effing back for taking this long. My muse is mad at me, unfortunately, and refuses to return and make me able to write anything decent. I hope I can be forgiven for the wait and this crappy filler chapter.

If it makes anything better, the next chapter will definitely kick ass. Only bad part is I've got no idea when it'll be coming to you, because I've barely started it but I've got a good idea of how it's gonna go down. And it's the last chapter before the Epilogue, too! Everything goes down next chapter. So please bear with me.

Also, since I have not read all the books yet, my details on the Final Battle are nonexistent. I didn't mean to make this chapter feel like it was all planned and BAM it just happened, so I'm sorry if it feels that way to you guys. I plan to edit/revamp the whole story when I finish the books (I am just drawing to the end of the 5th [blushes]. I really shouldn't be writing fanfiction for a series I haven't even finished, but there you are). Regardless, I will take any advice I can get, but NO SPOILERS PLEASE! I want to experience the books, and all their surprises, just as everyone else did when they first read them :)

These are not excuses, cause really this is all just me being a crappy writer and learning to cop with writer's block and stubborn muses. This is just my way of warning you all of the crappiness of this chapter. I can do better than this, though, I promise!

Anyway, You guys are so wonderful. You've got no idea :) Love you all, even more than before! :)

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_Chapter 8: Crash_

"_I don't know where I belong  
It's time for me to carry on  
I'll say goodbye  
I can't stop the rain from fallin'  
I'm drownin in these tears I cry…"_

~Cascada, "Can't Stop The Rain"

The mourning ghost floated around in the late night mist, contemplating the events of the evening and wondering why she did it and how things could possibly be 'ok' afterward. What did one do when her whole world was gone? How could she find the courage to pass on? Why did so many people have to hurt to get what they'll need in the long run? Thinking these pensive thoughts, she found herself floating over to Hogwarts while trying to find a way to leave the world. If it was easy or accessible, there would probably be a lot less ghosts in the world. The only person Monica could think of who might know was Moaning Myrtle.

Upon arriving at the gloomy castle, Monica sensed a tense atmosphere surrounding the grounds. The universe seemed to be holding its breath, wondering if justice would prevail in the image of Harry Potter. As she flew over the Quidditch pitch, she peered through the mist as a rush of memories came flooding to the surface: her first try-out, her first goal, her first game win, her first kiss with Remus and her death all seemed to be connected to the sports field. Looking down into the pensieve her life created she sighed, silently wishing it farewell in her head. _Thanks for the memories_, she thought wistfully as she floated into the castle walls, looking down the silent corridors with a silly little smile on her face. _I'll bet I have a memory with either James, Sirius, Remus or a combination of all 3 in every single room of this castle_, Monica thought with humour. She chose to forget that 3 of the Marauders (Sirius, James and herself) were now dead and gone. _Elective amnesia_, Monica thought wryly as she made her way through the dead corridors of her old home towards Myrtle's bathroom.

Once she entered the bathroom, Monica immediately began looking around for the melancholy ghost. She knew she had a lot of apologizing to do for shouting at Myrtle earlier. The girl's emotions were easier to break than glass.

"Myrtle? It's Monica. I'm sorry about earlier. Sometimes I act like a bitch because when I get close to people, I get hurt. It's no excuse, but… I finally said goodbye to Remus for real and I need your help. Please."

Monica was met with silence for a moment before a soft groaning from the pipes reached her ears, along with a whispered, "Was it awful? Saying goodbye?"

Monica smiled, ready to indulge Myrtle's hunger for a sob story if it meant she was back in the poor girl's good books. "It was positively dreadful," Monica replied honestly, shuddering as the aching memories made a reappearance.

Myrtle came shooting out of the pipes, droplets of water and Merlin knows what else cascading out from around her dramatically. She zoomed over in front of Monica's face, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright? Maybe you should tell old Moaning Myrtle what happened. It might make you feel better."

_More like make __you__ feel better_, Monica though, but smiled on the outside. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Monica asked.

"Of course! You were distressed. Sometimes people can't help being a bit dramatic and completely uncaring of others' feelings when they're upset."

"You would know," Monica grumbled before she launched into the story. Telling it again was painful to say the least, because her feelings were real and saying goodbye to Remus was eating her from the inside out, knowing that he was gone to her, that she was dead to him for the first time. It was becoming harder and harder to accept the more time she stayed as a ghost. She wanted to get on to whatever waited for her beyond death so she could get rid of the agony that had been shadowing her and defining her for 20 years. She'd had enough of the hurt, and Myrtle was the only one who might be able to help her save herself.

By the end of the story, Monica was feeling the anger and pain all over again, and was fed up with wasting time. The wave of agony was threatening to pull her under, and she needed to breathe before she suffocated. Myrtle, however, was enjoying it. She was practically screeching, crying and moaning by the sinks. "Oh, poor dear!" she cried. "How can you stand it?"

"I'm hoping I won't have to for much longer," Monica replied grimly. "Myrtle, how can I move on? You_ must_ know how. I can't just exist here like you do because I don't think I can deal with this pain much longer. I'm dead; now I want to _die_."

Myrtle giggled like a 3 year old rich brat, smiling deviously. "How should I know? If I did, I would have moved on _ages_ ago."

Monica shook her head to clear it. "What?" she replied flatly. Monica hadn't thought of an alternative, relying heavily on Myrtle's age and good ears to know how to pass on.

"I haven't left this bathroom since Olive's restraining order! Of course I don't have the faintest idea how to die!"

Monica sighed, wondering how her day could get any worse and how stupid she would have to be to not think of a Plan B with the kind of luck she has. "Shit, what can I do? Do you know anyone who might know?"

Myrtle shook her head, "I've asked all the ghosts I know before, and none of them seem to know or care to find out. Looks like you should have thought this through before you went and said goodbye to Romeo over there."

Monica glared across the bathroom at Myrtle, beginning to fly back and forth in her rendition of a pace. Thinking through her options, she could only think of 1 way. "Well, I'm just going to have to keep on looking," she announced with a sigh.

"Fine, just leave Myrtle here alone to mope then," Myrtle lamented, flying around the bathroom and starting to sniffle. "But if you can't find a way, you might want to help out with the battle. You know how close we are to war. They could probably use our help."

Monica turned around and looked at Myrtle quizzically. She hadn't anticipated Myrtle wanting to help out. Most of the people fighting for the side of Good had probably done her some slight in their time at Hogwarts. "Why do you want to get involved in a war like this?" Monica wondered aloud.

Myrtle just smirked (a little sadly, Monica noticed) and replied, "I have my own reasons. I've been alive a long time, remember, and I'm no stranger to tragedy. I've done and seen a lot, and fighting in this battle is right. Besides, I could very well loose my bathroom in the battle. Just think about it; Remus and Harry need you."

Before Monica could ask whether Myrtle meant she wanted the bathroom gone or she didn't, Myrtle zoomed off down the pipes with a wet sucking sound. "Wait!" Monica shouted, bottled up questions attempting to spill from her pale lips.

When she realized Myrtle was gone, Monica let out an exasperated sigh. "What a drama queen, just can't resist a dramatic exit now can she?" she muttered, flying out of Myrtle's torture chamber and off into the night, determined to find some way to get away from the pain. It was planning suicide all over again, and Monica needed it just as badly this time, if not more so.

_7 Days Later_

The downtrodden spirit returned to 12 Grimmauld place after her most recent search for what she'd deemed (in a pathetic show of cliché) her 'cure'. She flopped onto her back mid-air, sighing as she looked back on the week. It had been completely filled with fruitless searching, asking anyone in the area and even some out of the country. Every ghost, every witch or wizard she asked gave her the same answer: there wasn't a way to pass on. Every sympathetic gaze just made her more frantic, more determined to find a way out. The search wasn't just for her now; it was for all the ghosts out there, trapped in an untouchable world with no way out.

But her search was wasted; Monica was no closer to a cure floating into Grimmauld Place than she was floating out of Myrtle's bathroom a week ago. Now, with the final battle on the horizon and no cure to speak of, the sole thought in Monica's head was: _it's going to be a long existence_.

If Voldemort won this battle, it meant watching everyone she loved (especially Remus, Teddy and Tonks) suffer. She would be forced to watch the happiness die and fall away from their lives and all of them die either too young or in some horrible, Voldemort-planned way. Monica refused to let that happen. The faces of the people she knew still remaining alive flashed through her brain like an old reversal film: Teddy, Remus (this face lingered a moment before moving on), Tonks, Harry, Hermione, the Weasleys, Hagrid, Minerva McGonagall, Luna, Seamus, Neville, Kingsley, the charming little house elf Dobby and even that annoying Fleur girl. With them came the rush of the dearly beloved, the ones who have already passed: Lily, James, Sirius, Albus, Alastor and even the victim who started it all: Myrtle. All the people that she couldn't afford to lose and all the people she'd already been forced to give up rushed back at her as she floated in solitude. The only way to prevent more death and to get revenge for those already fallen was to participate in the battle, which was beginning today.

Monica picked herself up, firmly making a decision as she looked around the dusty old forsaken house mournfully, knowing this was the last time she'd get to see it. The memories locked away in the old dusty rooms that had belonged to Sirius' harsh and cruel Pureblood family made Monica smile. This house was the home to her first time meeting Sirius' awful parents as well as her first Order meeting as a ghost. It was hard to imagine that 2 such contradictory memories could exist in the same house.

She floated in the gloomy entryway, whispering a salutation to Sirius' memory and a goodbye to the house. After this battle, she would search for the rest of her existence if she had to, but she would find a way and she would make sure every other ghost in the Wizarding world knew about it, whether they wanted to use it or not.

_I sound like Hermione and her ridiculous SPEW rubbish_, Monica thought, giving the house a rare smile. Thinking of Hermione, trying so hard to do something for a race that didn't even want help, put Monica in a better mood as she flew from the house.

She arrived in Myrtle's bathroom to find the ghost not sulking, for once. Myrtle was situated over the sinks, staring at her reflection pensively, almost like she was remembering something from a long time ago, or contemplating some deep inexplicable thoughts. Feeling like Myrtle, for the first time since she'd met the ghost, finally had a reason to be miserable but was not using it made her uneasy.

"Hey Myrtle, are you okay?" Monica called out softly, not wanting to scare the spectral girl.

Myrtle started and looked toward Monica with a wet smile. "Just thinking some thoughts," she replied in her high-pitched nasal voice. "Did you change your mind and make the right decision?"

"Well, there really was only one option, wasn't there?" Monica said with resignation, going to float next to the girl by the mirror.

"If you love them, there's only one option," Myrtle replied, beginning to sniffle.

"Oh, come off it!" Monica shouted, pinching the bridge of her nose in agitation. _It really had been too much to hope that Myrtle would quit whining for more than a few second_s, Monica thought before the guilt settled into her skin like cigarette smoke in cotton. The final battle was setting in, and here she was snapping at one of the few people she had left, not to mention the most fragile.

"I'm sorry, Myrtle," Monica apologized. "That was out of line. I'm just stressed right now. And… I'm going to miss you. No matter what happens in this battle, I don't think I'll be back. I'll continue my search for a way to escape this, and I don't think I'll be back to Hogwarts ever again. You're really special, Myrtle. I wish I could have known you…you know, before."

Myrtle smiled one of the first wide, genuine smiles Monica had ever seen on her, her glasses slightly askew as she let the tears fall down her face without the typical sobbing and dramatics. Looking at her, Monica saw a perfect picture of pure sadness on the pale blue face. "Oh Monica, me too. I didn't have a lot of friends when I was at school but… I think we could have been friends."

Monica nodded in agreement before she did something she hadn't done in a long time: she hugged someone. Monica flew to Myrtle and caught the older girl up in a rib-breaking hug, just savouring the closeness to another person. She pulled back a bit and laughed at the familiarity that came from the sobbing face she saw.

"Well, let's look on the bright side," Monica said with humour that was only slightly forced. "No matter what happens, we'll still be around after this battle is over. We're not going to lose each other, not really."

"True. What sad specimens we are," Myrtle sighed, flying around the room with a small moan.

Monica shook her head exasperatedly before she heard something that made her pause. "Shh!" she urged, listening hard. Yes, there it was again: a harsh banging, a whiz and a snap.

Myrtle listened and then her head snapped around to look at Monica. "Is that…?" she began hesitantly.

"Yep," Monica grumbled, looking toward the bathroom door. "Voldemort and his merry band of Death Eaters have arrived. The battle has begun."

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**AN:** So there you are (ducks angry reviewers). I just love a good cliffhanger, especially after a crappy chapter! (sarcasm).

I'm sorry, so so sorry :( But please review (even if it is to bitch at me or be angry, or correct a spelling mistake [which I seriously appreciate, btw]), and hope you stick around for the end of the fic, because I promise it will be better from here on out!

Playlist:

Crash- Sum 41 (title song)

A Drop in the Ocean- Ron Pope

Rolling in the Deep- Adele (Really overplayed, but I loved it before its popularity and I love it still)

Looking For Angels- Skillet

Colder Weather- Zac Brown Band

Just a Kiss- Lady Antebellum (AN: But there is a really great cover on Youtube by Savannah Outen and Jake Coco!)

Just a Feeling- Maroon 5


	9. A Brave New World

_**AN: **So here you are, my pretties. The long-awaited chapter 9. _

_I have 1 person to thank for this whole fanfic, really. Her name is also Hannah, and she's one of my best friends. She was the first to read this fic (even before all of you) and gave me all the best advice I could have hoped for. One of her most genius ideas was Myrtle and her displacing-water trick, among other spectacular things. She has a fanfic account too __(Madge Potter and the Olympians)_, so if you see her writing on ff with the same ideas as me... well, she came up with them first. If there's someone to yell at for stealing ideas, it should be me. Of course, I've used Hannah's ideas with her utmost permission, but just don't go yelling at her for things she didn't do, cause she's amazing and undeserving of criticism. Thanks! :) And thanks to you Hannah, if your reading, for helping me through the process of writing my first multi-chapter fanfic. Hope I can repay you in some way!

___Anyway, this chapter is the longest chapter in the fic (17 pages in Word)_, so I hope it doesn't disappoint. I know it ends the way I always pictured it would end, and maybe a lot of you will disagree. That's why I'm willing to offer you an...alternative.

_If I get enough reviews or PMs from people who are angry (I have a set number, but I'll not say it), I will post an alternate endng, including a new epilogue. I hope I don't have to, but I'm willing to if it upsets you are all the reason I wrote this, so I want this to make you happy too. _

_Anyway, let me know what you think of this, because I'm always hoping to improve. I'm also planning on going back through this fic to change things, so if you've got any ideas for me, they'd be heard by me and considered with an open mind. Thanks so much, and ENJOY!  
_

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_

_Chapter 9: A Brave New World_

_Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky  
They wipe away tears that I cry  
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all  
You make me rise when I fall  
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling  
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast?  
I want this to last  
I need you by my side…_

_~Cascada, "Every Time We Touch" [AN: The slow version is my favourite]_

Monica motioned for Myrtle to stay still as she cautiously stuck her head through the door, peering down the long mahogany hallway.

Hogwarts was in chaos.

Witches and wizards were whizzing down the hall towards the doors, grim determination set viciously upon their faces.

Faint screams pierced the early morning as well as bangs, thumps, crashes and the maniacal laughter of the Death Eaters. Monica shuddered, listening to the sounds of war and wondering if Tonks and Remus were down there, bodies about to crash to the floor in unbearable agony or in the throes of death.

Monica looked back at Myrtle and motioned her forward. "Let's go find McGonagall. She might have a place for us," she said, preparing to disappear through the doorway and join the fight. If there was some way she could get a hold of a wand…

"Wait!" Myrtle called. "I can't leave! I'm restrained to the bathroom!"

"Shit!" Monica cursed, rubbing her forehead. She picked her brain for a moment before the light bulb clicked on in her mind. "You travel in the pipes, right? That's how we'll find her."

Myrtle smiled and, grumbling grim descriptions of decapitating Voldemort, shot down the pipes, disappearing with a splash into the toilet.

Monica looked at the toilets in disdain but finally, after some mainly internal coaching, dove down the loo.

The pipes were tight and smelled worse than a smoking pile of troll droppings, but they were fast and gave Monica a slight adrenaline rush. A twist here, a twist there and an exhilarating drop later, Myrtle stopped travelling and Monica's momentum almost propelled her right into the other ghost.

"She's below us," Myrtle said ominously.

"What? How do you know…" she began, but Myrtle had already disappeared out of the pipe. Monica sighed, accepting that there were some things about Myrtle that she would never know before following her.

Sure enough, Minerva stood talking to a tall wizard with very pointy ears. When the ghosts appeared, she looked up and smiled. "Nice to see you both," she said, the stress in her voice barely controlled.

"Anything we can do to help, Profess—err… Minerva?" Monica said, shaking her head at her silly habit of calling her ex teacher 'Professor'.

Minerva smiled slightly at the term, but then frowned. "To be honest, I don't know Ms. Devlin. Myrtle might be able to hold a wand, but other than I don't think there's much hope in it. The only things you could aid us with are watching the battle and reporting if anyone's hurt, or you could try and sneak into a Death Eater encampment out in the grounds."

_Well, I'll not just simply watch while everyone else dies_, Monica thought, leaving her only 1 option. "I'll sneak to the camps," Monica decided, looking at Myrtle. The girl looked slightly paler than usual, but requested a wand. Minerva let her try hers, but the second Myrtle held it, the 16 and a half inch wand fell through her fingers and clattered to the ground.

Minerva sighed, offering 'It was worth a shot,' before picking her wand up. "I'm sorry ladies, but I must rush off. I've been informed Harry's here, and we really need him to be safe."

Monica perked up at this. "Would you like me to come, Minerva? I'm not much, but…"

"No Ms. Devlin, it is probably best if you do what you can in the Death Eater encampment. Myrtle, you may come with me though. You might provide some help."

Myrtle smiled, and Monica imagined she finally felt useful for the first time in her life. "I'll need you to remove my restraining order, Headmistress," Myrtle whined.

Minerva rolled her eyes, but performed the simple spell that would release Myrtle from her contract. Myrtle zoomed off with Minerva without a second thought, and Monica was left standing alone. She couldn't help but feel a little bitter and disappointed that she was not as useful as Moaning-bloody-Myrtle. Ignoring her rational thoughts that Myrtle deserved it and that it wasn't her first time not being good enough, she flew out into the grounds in a huff without glancing back.

Almost immediately, she realized that it was not hard to find Death Eater camps, much less spy on them. The hooded murderers were lurking out of smaller groups, wands raised high and Dark Mark hovering in the sky after an anonymous roar of "_Morsmordre_!"

Monica slinked over to the shade of the Forbidden Forest, puzzling over how to hide her blue glow. If she was going to spy, she would have to be undetected, a hard feat to manage when you're sapphire blue in a world of emerald and onyx.

Her mind coming up with nothing, bitter resentment for being stuck with this pointless job still fresh in her mind and she was going to give up before she heard voices. Looking to her left, she saw 3 figures morph from the shadows, covered in black cloaks and their faces hidden by the grotesque silvery masks of the Death Eaters. They stopped to converse in a circle a mere 5 feet from her tree. It was a wonder they didn't see her spectral glow.

"The Dark Lord is pleased, very pleased" one of the Death Eaters, a squat and stout specimen, said. Monica knew the voice, but was frustrated when she couldn't place it.

"That stuck up Harry Potter doesn't stand a chance," said another, taller figure.

"He didn't stand a chance from the beginning, you fool. He's 17 years old for Merlin's sake," said a third, and Monica recognized the voice as that of Lucius Malfoy. Barely containing a sneer, she contented herself with a death glare from her spot in the shadows.

"Who would want to support that lost cause anyhow?" said the tall Death Eater, a scoff in his voice.

The other man, the one that sounded familiar to Monica, sniggered and nodded stupidly.

"He and his people are going to lose. This is a pathetic 17 year old that has been bested by my juvenile son Draco going up against the greatest wizard of our age. Who would ever choose Potter? Why be on the losing side?" Lucius said with contempt, and the other 2 nodded in agreement.

"What does the Dark Lord command?" The tall wizard asked.

"He needs nothing of you vermin. I, on the other hand, will be going with Bellatrix to capture that Weasley girl. The Dark Lord knows the Potter kid's weakness is his ridiculous obsession with caring for people. The nonce doesn't even try to hide it. We need to use that against him to get him unprotected."

_Ginny?_ Monica thought, frantic at the new discovery. _They're going to use Ginny Weasley as ransom? I can't let them do that! But how can I stop them? If I even move right now, they'll see my glow and demand to know who I am if Lucius doesn't already recognise me from the times we met at school_. Monica thought for a second more, staring at the men until, much like a light bulb in the Muggle movies, an idea flashed in her mind. _Well_, Monica reasoned, smiling as she stepped from the shadows, _if you can't hide from them…join them._

The 3 men turned to look at Monica as she floated from the shadows. "What does the Dark Lord command?" Monica asked, ghosting over to the group.

All three of the Death Eaters tore off their masks and looked in her direction. The short one and the tall one looked back in shock, but Lucius just looked back with an impassive look on his cold, regal face. He didn't seem to recognise her, thankfully. He said nothing as the tallest Death Eater (who Monica realized had a very hooked nose) stepped forward.

"Who the bloody hell're you?" the Death Eater asked with suspicion.

"New," Monica said vaguely.

"I think you'll have to go see the Dark Lord for your orders," said the familiar Death Eater, and Monica finally realized it was Wormtail, or Peter Pettigrew to the rest of the Wizarding world. White hot rage blinded her, and if she could have strangled him somehow she would have. Remembering James and Lily's smiling faces under the beech tree at Hogwarts and knowing this revolting excuse for a wizard took that from them made her see red.

"Shut up, Pettigrew!" she snarled with feeling, taking a chance on the fact that he wasn't some respected Death Eater for being Voldemort's infatuated slave. The taller Death Eater sniggered, and Monica smiled cruelly. _It looks like the little weasel doesn't fit in anywhere, least of all with his new 'friends'_, Monica thought with glee. She took the time to remember an old quote in her head as she smirked at Wormtail: _Karma's only a bitch if you are._

Wormtail's ears went pink and Monica turned to float away (pretending she knew where Voldemort was) when Lucius spoke for the first time in a cold voice that chilled her bones. "You two are right proper idiots. This… _spirit_ is clearly a spy. I knew it since she stepped from the shadows."

Monica shook her head, instantly resorting to denial in her intense fear. "No, I'm not."

"Why are you wearing Gryffindor robes, then? If you're here to spy, I'd advise against it. The Dark Lord doesn't take kindly to spies."

_Bugger_, Monica thought as she scrambled for an excuse. She was afraid that this would happen, but hadn't really thought about how to handle with it. That's why she'd always had Remus growing up; she did the rash decision making part and he did the thinking and bailing out bits.

Going with her gut, she glued a pursed-lip sneer on her face. "It's not my fault I got stuck in bloody Gryffindor at school," she jeered, hating herself for every word of the lie. "I was just not worthy enough to be in Slytherin. I make up for that now, in my afterlife. My only wish is to serve the Dark Lord."

Lucius looked at her with cold distrust for a second more and before he could pass judgement, Bellatrix Lestrange scurried over to his left, doing some sort of perverse snuggling against his shoulder. "Brother darling," she sing-songed in that creepy way of hers. "The Dark Lord wishes to speak to you about something."

Lucius looked at Bellatrix with extreme distaste, and then looked at Monica the same way. "I'm dealing with a traitor right now, Bella," he replied, turning back to her eager face. "When does he need me?"

"Right…now," she said, black tangles flying around her face like some sort of tornado. "But I'll deal with the traitor for you! I'd love to see what decapitated ghost tastes like."

Lucius curled his lip, thinking for a moment with a finger to his chin. Monica's heart would have raced if it still beat, but as it was she began to shake slightly. Finally he glanced away from his sister-in-law, making up his mind. "Thank you Ms. Lestrange," he replied coolly. "That will be all."

Bellatrix looked slightly put out, jutting out her lower lip as she whined, "Please Lucy? I've never tried torturing a ghost befo—"

Lucius cut her off, enunciating his next words frostily. "I said, _that will be all_ _Ms. Lestrange_. And stop with that ridiculous nickname, it's completely absurd."

He turned back to Monica and the 2 Death Eaters, glaring. "I will go see what the Dark Lord needs. You two incompetents will stay here and watch her until I return, unless that job is too much for you," he said coldly, and waltzed off in the direction of Hogsmeade and the Shrieking Shack. Bellarix glared at his retreating back like a spoiled brat before she, too, stalked off while gnashing her teeth at nothing. Monica watched them go, happy that she had escaped not only Lucius but his maniacal sister-in-law Bellatrix.

She turned back around to look at the other 2 men in disdain. Finally, understanding dawned on Wormtail's face. "I know you!" he exclaimed, clearly proud that his piss pot of a mind finally dredged up something useful. "M—Molly? No, that's not right…Monica! Yes, you're Monica! I remember you from school!"

Monica glared back with contempt, planning her next words carefully. The trick she was about to try wouldn't have worked with Lucius (the man wasn't afraid of anything, really), but with these two half-wits, she figured it was worth a go. Thinking of Moaning Myrtle, she widened her eyes and cocked her head sideways, ogling Wormtail without blinking. "Why yes," she said in a falsely cheery voice, enunciating every word like a haunted doll from a horror film, "Yes I am. But you're not going to tell anyone, understand? If you do, I won't be very happy. Oh no, I will be _very_ displeased. And you don't want me to get angry, Peter, you know why? Because I have secrets, oh so many secrets. I have powers that even the Dark Lord does not have, could not imagine. I could bring James and Lily back to life, I could, I could. Methinks you wouldn't like that, now would you, you smarmy little rat?"

Wormtail had gone white as a sheet and began bumbling fearful rubbish, but the other man looked unimpressed. "Well, Monica whoever-you-are," he said, striding right up near her face. "I'm not sure what they'll do to you if they find out who you are, but I'll make sure the Dark Lord himself knows. You don't scare me."

Monica just smiled, slowly advancing towards him. Instinctively, the man backed up as she gained ground slowly, resuming speaking in her singsong-y crazy voice, "Oh, I'm sure I could get to you, too. Ever killed anyone? Of course you have, silly me, you're a Death Eater. I can find out whom. I could bring back some dead relatives, or a whole army of ghosts to haunt you _day_ and _night_. My minions and I will haunt your family, your friends, anyone you've ever met. And one night, when you're asleep in your little cosy bed, we will come for you. We will drag you to the depths of hell where you will suffer pain worse than the Cruciatus curse for eternity. You will not tell anyone, either of you, or this is what your future will look like. Okay?"

For effect, and good measure, Monica sucked in a large breath and let it out through her lips slowly; letting it do the creepy screeching whistling effect she had last done at the hospital the night Teddy was born. Both of the men stumbled back and looked at her with fear as she loomed over them, the picture of a true horror movie ghost.

Once she completed her performance, Monica glided through them and floated away, straining to hear if they would call out after her. She turned back and saw both of them gazing at the spot she had been, mouths hanging open and faces frozen in fear like they had just been petrified by a basilisk.

Monica shook her head once, fairly sure they would say nothing and that if they did it wouldn't matter because they couldn't do anything to a ghost who knew nothing of the Order's plans. She zoomed away up towards the castle, feeling triumphant. The rush of adrenaline she had gotten for taking a risk and fooling a few Death Eaters made her smile grandly. _I cannot believe any of them believed that rubbish_, Monica thought, letting loose a slightly maniacal laugh out loud. _Especially Lucius. I thought he was smarter than that._

Monica flew into the castle, zooming down the chaos-crowded hallways and finding Minerva and Tonks on the second floor. They were locked in battle with several Death Eaters, but seemed to be holding their own. Monica hated to just sit and wait while her friends were in danger, but she really had no choice.

Once they had overcome the Death Eaters, they wandered over to where Monica stood, Tonks tripping over the cloak of a fallen Death Eater on the way. "Bloody hell, they're everywhere!" Tonks exclaimed to Minerva before she spotted Monica.

"Yes indeed, Mrs. Lupin," Minerva commented before laying her eyes on Monica. "Hello, Ms. Devlin. Any news?"

"Yes, big news," Monica replied. "They...they're going to capture Ginny to lure Harry out on his own. We've got to get both of them to safety until we're all ready to go face Voldemort together. I don't think we want him wandering into the arms of the enemy unaided."

Minerva nodded, something like pride flashing in her eyes. "Wow, it's a great risk you have taken today," she said, and Monica smiled modestly. "You don't just find information like that from waiting in the shadows and listening. I appreciate it. Now if you'll excuse me, ladies, I'm going to get Ginny and Harry someplace safe."

They both nodded, and Minerva swooped off with a twirl of her robes.

Tonks faced Monica and before the ghost could say anything, Tonks was talking in a mad rush, eyes a desperate plea. "I'm so sorry, Mo. I handled things terribly back at the house. I just…I can't cope with you leaving me, Mo! What am I supposed to do without me best mate? How can I live when a piece of me is missing?"

Monica smiled back sympathetically. "I know, Tonks, I know," she said, her voice straying dangerously close to a wail. "I don't want to have to leave you all. But it's best for all of us in the long run, can't you see?"

Tonks shook her head vehemently, "Of course I don't see how!" she whispered, lips quivering.

Monica longed to hold her friend's hand, wished that she could comfort with more than words, but she did the best she could. "You will someday. Just trust me, alright? I haven't led you amiss so far, have I?"

Tonks shook her head and smiled slightly through her visible sadness. "I respect you, Mo. And I'm going to handle this much better than I did last time. I love you like a sister, Mo. Don't ever forget it, wherever you go."

"I won't," Monica vowed, placing her hand by Tonks' face. "And for the record, wherever I am I'll be living without a piece of myself, too. I'll always be thinking of everything I left behind and mourning my death. I'll always be thinking of you, Nymphadora."

Tonks smiled, and together they found peace in the eye of chaos.

This temporary oasis was shattered by a shouted curse and someone, an Order member by the look of the tattered robes, slumped to the ground.

With a sickening lurch in her heart Monica saw Remus slumped there, the tattered robes knotted around his dead, scarred face…

She rushed over with Tonks on her heels (who was no doubt seeing the same thing), but upon seeing the ginger hair knew immediately it was not Remus, but Arthur Weasley. Her heart gave a second lurch as she thought about the family her good friend would be leaving behind if he died, how she would feel if he would be among the first of her loved ones to fall. Luckily, Molly rushed over with a muffled cry just as Arthur came around, gasping for air.

Monica looked and saw Death Eaters rounding the corner, knowing Tonks was the only one around who could face them. Apparently, Tonks had come to the same conclusion, as she turned to Monica with panic and hesitation all over her tan face.

"If I don't see you again…?" she began hesitantly, eyes beginning to run but her mind was determinedly set on not losing it.

"Then I don't see you, hun. Goodbye, Dora." Monica said grimly, letting her eyes speak her goodbye for her.

Tonks nodded curtly, staying strong in the exact moment she fell apart last time, where she had reason to fall apart but decided to stay strong as she constantly did. "Bye, Mo."

Monica streaked off, looking for people she knew through a blinding haze of tears. _Merlin, how many times can a girl cry in 1 afterlife?_ She wondered, forcing herself to be calm and do her best. _And I can't even hold a tissue. _

Suddenly, a chilling voice broke through the cacophony of war surrounding them all. "You have fought valiantly" he said, and it seemed like Voldemort's slithering voice reached into their very hearts and clutched them until they stopped beating. "Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery. Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste. Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately. You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured. I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the Forbidden Forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour." And just as suddenly as he had clutched their ears and their hearts, Voldemort released them.

Monica looked around as the Death Eaters backed off, sneering as they exited the building one by one. Monica looked around for Harry but, unsurprisingly, did not see him. She did, however, catch sight of Moaning Myrtle for a moment, who was in mid-flight through a window. Before Monica could comment, she was gone and streaking towards Hogsmead. _Myrtle, Lucius, they're all heading to Hogsmead_, Monica pondered. _That must be where Voldemort is hiding like a coward._

She half-turned back to go find Minerva and tell her what she'd figured out when suddenly, Monica's whole world stopped.

In the space of 5 seconds that seemed to pass in slow motion for Monica, several things happened. Monica spied Remus, looking tired but well. She also spotted a man she recognized as Antonin Dolohov getting up from the floor from behind him, Remus' dropped wand in his hand and pointed at her beloved. With no time to call anyone, Monica opened her mouth in a silent horrified scream of "_No_!" as she flew across the hall, through Remus (completely disregarding the pain) and threw herself, arms wide, in front of him as Anton screamed "_Avada Kedavra_!"

A green flash, one that she had experienced once 20 years before, exploded in an emerald shower from Remus' wand and struck the ghost straight in her chest, disappearing into her spectral haze and re-erupting inside of her torso. Monica screeched before disappearing in a blaze of white light.

Remus stood, his lips trembling for a moment before the full reality hit him. He didn't even notice when Antonin sped away from the light, running like his life depended on it. His lungs erupted with sound, a howling "No!" freeing itself from his mouth as he stared at the ball of white light in agony.

She had given it all once... and now she had done it again. By some miracle, Monica had taken the curse for him twice.  
Slowly, a light emerald green ball formed from the center of light, slowly leaking until it sucked all the white light away. The green light exploded with a snake's hiss, Monica's body slumping to the floor. And actually _landing_ there.

For Monica Devlin had been restored to her human body, violet black hair shining with renewed vigor and robes glowing in high definition. Her skin was deathly pale and her body crumpled on the floor, but Remus was just shocked and relieved that he was alive and most importantly, that Monica was.

All the Order members had stopped to gawk at the spectacle, but the Death Eaters hadn't. Curses broke the silence and the battle resumed again. Minerva rushed from the crowd to view the scene from a closer viewpoint, her eyes widening only slightly with her extreme surprise. "Impossible. Simply impossible," she murmured, unwilling to break the small reverence that remained of Monica's sacrifice.

Suddenly, Monica's chest leapt as she took a gasping breath, her eyes opening and darting around. Finally, she looked at Remus and his eyes met her alluring cobalt for the first time since he was a student. The blue eyes that had haunted his dreams for 6 years in school and actually haunted _him _for 20 more drew him back in like the first time, the blue seeming to drown his heart and make him unable to think of anything else.

The cobalt shocked Remus out of his paralysis, and he rushed forward. Once he reached her, he wasn't sure whether he should touch her or not, wanting to after 20 years but not sure whether she could be moved. She looked weak; weak enough to worry Remus that right after she had been restored to life, it would be ripped away from her hands again.

Monica smiled weakly, her body shuddering as she gazed at him. Her hand reached from her side and she grabbed Remus' hand. Feeling her soft, younger hand in his brought Remus back to his youth, to sunny afternoons by the lake, autumn strolls by the forbidden forest, winter adventures in Hogsmead and spring sunrises by the Quidditch pitch. Remembering her boisterous laugh and her outraged scoff made Remus more determined, more certain that he needed to keep her with him even if it was just as a friend, which was the best they could hope for now.

He snatched her up as her head lolled back to the floor, looking around for a healer. Minerva stepped forward to lead him, a guiding hand placed on his back.

"Remus, you've got no notion of the immense magnitude of what just happened," she whispered urgently, leading him down the hall past Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Myrtle herself, however, was nowhere to be found.

"Well then, tell me. _Inform_ me," he muttered as he laid Monica down in front of a green-robed healer.

As the healer started inspecting Monica, Minerva filled Remus in. "What just happened is called sacrificium sempiternum. It has happened only once on record, and the situation was nearly impossible to replicate. Most people have never heard of it."

Remus nodded, for he had never heard of it and had read most of the books in the Hogwarts library. "So what's happened? Is she going to make it?"

Minerva looked grim, but Remus waited for her answer before he got discouraged. "Well, when a Wizarding ghost is killed again by the same weapon and method that originally killed it, it is restored to life. However, the body receives an immense shock, one that is almost always fatal, and certain to change the subject forever. The worse the method of death, the worse the odds are for survival. I don't wish to go into the details with you, but I think death would be kind at this point. I'm so sorry, Remus. I love her too."

Remus shook his head, shaken to his core. "That's terrible, cruel, and completely bloody unreal!" he protested. "What kind of spell would allow this…this _blasphemy_ to happen?"

"A Dark one," Minerva replied, beginning to cry slightly.

The healer wandered over to Remus and Minerva, eyes sad and slightly confused. "I'm sorry Professor and Mr. Lupin, but the girl has chosen to die. I might have been able to save her had she let me, but she said something about a plan and that I wasn't to save her, that she wanted death. If you can change her mind, then I will do my best. Don't take too long, though, because no wizard can reunited the dead with life and I can't perform spells of any kind without her consent. As it is, she's not looking like she's going to make it without healing spells. The damage she has sustained is just a bit short of an Unforgivable, and her immune system is too weak to repair itself. She let me perform some spells to make her calmer and less in pain, but all that's doing is tying her over until she can pass on. I'll leave you two to spend the limited time she has left with her. I'm so sorry for your loss."

Minerva nodded and walked slowly over to where Monica lay on the black tabletop, looking like she was leading a funeral procession. She went and laid her hand over Monica's, and her eyes eased open.

"Professor, I don't think I ever mentioned how much I look up to you," she whispered, laughing softly.

Minerva smiled and shook her head. "As my pupil you didn't seem to enjoy me much," she replied, trying to sound scolding but the tears showed in her voice.

Monica sat up slightly, her voice slightly stilted. "You never scolded us. Not serious, I mean. You just knew that we were of a decent sort. You were smart, and kind. I could never repay you, for that."

Minerva shook her head, tears evident now on her face. "I'm sorry Ms. Devlin, I have to go," she said hastily, already sweeping to the door. "I understand why you're doing this, and I wish you all the best in whatever awaits you. You did a very brave thing today."

"No, I did a very selfish thing," she countered. "But thank you. Goodbye, Minerva."

Minerva brushed past Remus and down the hall, coincidentally turning into Myrtle's bathroom before she burst into sobs that Remus could hear from down the hall. He admired her attempt to hide them, for he was sure he wasn't going to be able to for much longer.

Monica finally looked at Remus, turned to watch McGonagall's retreating, stiff back, and smiled slightly. She didn't have any idea what had happened, for she hadn't _really_ created a plan. She had felt nothing but a fierce need to do _something_ for Remus. She refused to just sit back and watch, however worthless she may have been. And suddenly she's _breathing_ again, feeling again, hurting physically again, and her skin has lost its blue pallor and she's alive, truly alive, for the first time in 2 decades. But being alive was bittersweet; if she lived, she wouldn't belong anywhere. Remus had Tonks; she was technically still 17, and would have to go back to school with Harry. But if she died, she would never have really got to live the life she had always dreamed of having. If she died, she could provide the protection that Lily had given for Harry; protection born for love that lasted a lifetime. That was the reason she had become a ghost; to protect Remus. She could die happily knowing she had done all she could, that her protection for him would outlive her. But to be alive again…Monica took one look at Remus and suddenly realized that she was being outrageously selfish. Really, everything had gone right; she had saved Remus, would leave her protection behind in her stead and she had found a way out of the world that despised her. Really, she had _won_.

"Hello handsome," she said with humour, eyeing him. "Glad to see you looking alive."

"I could say the same to you," he replied, sitting down beside her on her table. He held her hand, and both wizards marveled in the simple intimacy of a touch, such a small wonder that had been kept from them for so long. The sharp stinging pain, one that felt like her veins were trying to claw their way out of her insides, reminded Monica that she didn't have much time to say her piece, and she coughed blood onto her Gryffindor Quidditch sleeve, trying to clear her throat.

However, Remus beat her to the punch, "Why won't you let us heal you?" he whispered, clutching her hand. He began to get angry and confused, wondering why she wouldn't let them save her. The one thing she had wanted so desperately, to be alive again, had finally been given to her, and she was throwing it away without known reason.

"Sacrificial protection," she replied simply, and suddenly he understood. She had been given a choice, a choice to live or die, and she was consciously choosing death to protect him. Remus gasped as understanding settled into his brain like poisonous fog. The more he thought about it, the more he understood Monica's plan.

"You're sacrificing yourself for love, just like Lily did for Harry when he was a baby," Remus stated wonderingly.

Monica smiled. "You think you're so bright. Took you long enough to figure me out."

Remus shook his head fast, finally letting some tears slip by. "No, Monica, I can't let you do this. I don't deserve it! I've done nothing to you but hurt you your whole life. I've already taken so much from you, how can you try to give me more?"

"You didn't take anything, Remus, I offered them. Well, more like forced you to accept them," she replied, coughing more blood as her system began shutting down. Her voice got quieter, and Remus had to strain to hear her above the battle noise. "I…love you, Remus. I'm dying the way I want to. I don't want to be alive when I know I could have done something…more. For you and for your family."

Remus shook his head, marveling at how lucky he had been to receive a friend this special. "But—" he tried to continue, but Monica pinched him as hard as she could manage.

"Stop arguing. It's too late anyhow. I've stalled you enough. Call that healer back and he'll tell you it's too late, too."

Remus, finally accepting that magic wasn't all powerful and could not keep Monica alive when she had lost the will to live, bent his head over her body, beginning to sob. "Oh Merlin, Mo." He moaned, weeping into her tattered Quidditch uniform.

She grasped the back of his head weakly, smoothing out his brown hair. "Shh…it's alright now." She whispered over and over, comforting him while she herself was on the edge of death.

Finally, he sat up and composed himself slightly. She looked at him and the longing showed in her dying eyes and she whispered plaintively, "Hold me?"

He nodded, and pulled her as gently as his awkward body could manage into his arms and down onto the floor. Monica tried not to think of all the clichés she was displaying to the world as Remus held her for the first time in 2 decades, tears falling down his face as his world fell apart around him.

Remus had expected to lose people, people he loved. But he didn't expect to lose something that he had already lost, something that had never really been his for a long time.

Just then, the skies let loose their tears as heaven cried for the souls it would be stealing today. The rain splattered on the windows of Monica's home as she prepared herself to be taken away. Monica smiled, reaching up to touch Remus' scarred skin where the tears were merging before they ended their grief-driven journey at his lips. The clock was ticking, but Monica was now ready to embrace it. She knew Remus didn't feel the same way; that he would feel like she had deserted him or that he had killed her twice, but she was at peace and knew someday he'd understand. She thought of all the people she'd loved over her 37 years of life and slowly let each of them go, remembering her favourite things about each one of them before setting them free on the wind of eternity, like doves flying toward the horizon.

Finally prepared, ready for death with a feeling of serene closure and happiness, Monica mumbled something to Remus, blood pooling at her lips and making Remus unable to hear her.

"Pardon?" He choked in a whisper, putting his ear right by her lips, polite to the very end.

"If I could be any part of you… I'd be your tears," she began feebly, and Remus smiled sadly.

"So poetic in this time of tragedy," he murmured, but his smile was forced in place to keep from falling apart visibly.

"Just…finish it. You know…how it goes," she stuttered, coughing more crimson life force onto her uniform.

He moved back a few inches to look in Monica's humanly beautiful azure eyes as he continued, "To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks…"

"…and die on your lips." She finished, reaching up and placing her lips against his.

The kiss wasn't searching; they knew what they wanted and what they felt. It wasn't passionate; because Remus was married, and they had lost their chance. It wasn't fierce or cliché or angry or sad; it was just a simple kiss. It was chaste and sweet and conveyed nothing but a need to feel that connection that they had shared long ago and that time had faded but not forgotten. The feeling Monica got from the kiss, as she lay there dying, was different than she remembered. Despite fighting the test of time, something had changed between them. It wasn't anyone or anything's fault alone; it was a combination of things working together over 2 decades. Monica and Remus were different people now, Tonks had stepped in, they had time behind them, and Monica now looked much younger. The simple kiss that held so much between the lines, so much magic, showed them that they were more like long ago lovers now. They could let each other go without dramatics because they knew life was never going to let them be together, and that they would be much happier apart. Remus knew he loved Tonks, that she was the one he was meant to be with and that Monica would always be a special love but not his only love, not his right love. Monica knew that Remus was thinking about Tonks and was finally at peace with it, finally accepted that Tonks was going to make Remus happier than she ever could have and knowing her friends would be alive and happy made her happier than she could say. So instead, she conveyed it in that one simple kiss, the kiss to end it all between the star-crossed soulmates who would never be together again.

Monica pulled away first, laying her head back onto the cold grey stone tiles of Hogwarts and thought about how ironic it was that what they had was going to end on the same stones that she had stood on when this had all began, a 27 year friendship that was never meant to last.

Monica and Remus shared a look as she felt more blood spill out of her mouth. He reached up and wiped it from the corner of her mouth, resigned. "I'm going to miss your eyes," he said wistfully.

"You have plenty of pictures of me. Besides, you have Tonks. My eyes will be but a memory in a few years" Monica replied, smiling slightly and patting his arm with a touch as light as a feather.

"I'll never forget you, Mo, don't even talk like that," he murmured. "But you're right, I have Tonks. What we have will never really go away but..."

"… What you have with Tonks outshines us," Monica finished quietly, coughing more blood as she felt her heart slowing down, her speech slowing down with it. "I see that now, Loopy, and I…I'm happy. I know I'm not leaving you behind in a world that doesn't love you." Monica's eyes began to close and Remus nodded, tears slipping down his face.

"There…closure," she breathed.

Remus chuckled, but then sobered. "Yes," he said.

Monica felt herself slipping away and she fought against the tide that was pulling her away. The irony that she looked so long for release and now wanted more time was not lost on her. "Make sure…Teddy gets my letter, when the time's right. And tell…Tonks I love her." She gasped, fighting the darkness that closed in like shutting the lens on a telescope.

"I will," Remus replied, though he was a bit baffled by the letter request. He held her close, trying to make her stay with him.

"Make sure…every ghost knows how to pass on. And you…should know I love you, my…my best friend," she said, eyes closing as she succumbed to the welcome arms of death at last.

"Goodbye, Mo." He whispered, brushing her midnight curls away from her face for the last time. He felt her soul leave, 20 years late, like it was a tangible thing and he felt more alone that he'd ever imagined. He knew she was finally happy and in another place, another time, another life even, but he'd just lost his best friend to a Death Eater and he couldn't fully accept it until justice was served in the form of Anton Dolohov's dead body.

He silently carried her body down the hall, looking out for Death Eaters as he passed. He was now determined to fight, to make Monica's saintly sacrifice worth it.

He placed her silently by the sinks in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, standing back up rigidly. Her dead body brought back a terrible rush of déjà vu, but he delayed the mourning in favor of rage.

Remus strode out of the bathroom and grabbed his wand from where Dolohov had dropped it. "The next person to die tonight is Dolohov," he vowed, knowing he would be unable to cope if this was not the case.

Remus walked around, looking for Dolohov and marveling at all the Gryffindor courage sparkling in the room. Luna was hexing a tall Death Eater with a crooked nose, shining like a white-blond sun. Neville was nearby, doing his best with 2 Death Eaters while trying to protect Luna (who was quite capable of helping herself, Remus thought with a smirking shake of his head at young love). Remus spied Tonks' dark red hair across the room and ran to her, hexing one of the Death Eaters battling her as he reached her.

"How's Mo?" She asked, shouting another curse. Remus didn't answer, and she finally looked over at him. "She's gone, isn't she? Really gone?" she guessed.

Remus said nothing again, shouting a hex and then, finally, nodding his head.

"Any news on Dolohov?" He asked, keeping his mind on his task to get revenge as he glanced around, his Death Eater finally falling to the ground unconscious.

"Word is he's not dead yet. Last I heard he was heading back to the base camps to protect Voldemort," she murmured, walking with Remus around the war zone and looking out for any Order members who looked like they were about to be overwhelmed or ambushed.

Suddenly, Minerva McGonagall rushed out from a hallway, nearly running into the couple.

"Have you seen Harry?" she said, visibly shaken for the first time since Remus had met her.

"No," they replied, filling with dread.

"He's gone off to face You Know Who, then," she yelled, running between the two and off toward the entrance.

Remus and Tonks shared a look before they followed Minerva.

"Alone? Is he mad?" Tonks cried, holding her wand steady as her hair changed to the dark purple that usually symbolized worry.

"With Harry, nothing's out of the question when it comes to saving the people he loves. Just like his bloody crazy father, that one," Remus said almost fondly, but he was sick with worry. James would not be happy if Remus could have saved his son and didn't. Especially since he had been pining after a girl (a dead girl, but a girl nonetheless).

They joined Minerva on the grounds, but knew finding You Know Who was not going to be a matter of spotting him, vulnerable, in the middle of the grounds.

As they stood waiting, Hermione, Ginny and Ron rushed out from within the castle. "Have we figured out where Harry is yet, Professor?" Hermione asked, glancing around frantically for her friend.

"No we haven't Miss Granger," she replied grimly. "Have you thought of any place the Dark Lord might be?"

"No, but we've got to look," she said determinedly, striding purposely out into the Death Eater infested grounds. Remus and Tonks could do nothing but follow along with Minerva, Ron and Ginny to find The Boy Who Lived…hopefully past tonight.

Playlist:

This is War- 30 Seconds To Mars (Title song)

My Immortal- Evanescence

How Does it Feel- Avril Lavigne

Everytime We Touch (slow)- Cascada

Loves To Blame- Joel and Luke

Remember When- Avril Lavigne

Candles- Hey Monday

Need- Hana Pestle

In My Veins- Andrew Belle

Brave- Tawgs Salter

**AN:** Sorry for lame chapter endings! I'm working on it, I promise you. Thanks for reading, and **PLEASE REVIEW**! :) Thanks everyone!

**NOTE:** According to Google Translate, "Sacrificium Sempiternum" is Latin for "Everlasting Sacrifice". If you'd like to correct me, I'd be willing to trust you. I never claimed to be a Latin expert. I'm rubbish at languages, to be honest. Sorry if I've gotten it wrong, but it's not a major thing anyway.


	10. Epilogue

_**AN: **This is it. The epilogue to my first multi-chapter fanfic._

_I'll try to keep this short, but THANK YOU. Thanks to all you who've read this and stuck with me. thanks to all that reviewed, whether I already thanked you or you were an anonymous reviewer. You guys have been so great, enthusiastic and supportive. I love you all! _

_Slight warning here for some disturbing content.  
_

_This is my favourite chapter in the whole fic. I hope you all enjoy :') _

_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()  
_

_Epilogue _

_She's lost in my arms_  
_ Her head on my heart_  
_ And softly she whispers the words_  
_ 'I...I just love you_  
_ I don't know why, I just do...'_

_~Five for Fighting, "I Just Love You"_

_11 Years Later_

"Moony? They used to call you Moony?" 15 year old Teddy Lupin asked his father, flipping through a photo album and laughing at the captions courtesy of Padfoot. He was currently looking at a picture of James staring after a retreating Lily Evans in the Gryffindor Common room while Sirius and Peter laughed and mocked him, the photo moving as the boys laughed.

'_Prongs being a right git while Wormtail and my gorgeous self enjoy a chuckle at his stupidity. Moony was laughing too, he'd just never admit it as he hid behind the camera like a scared-y cat the whole time'_ the caption read.

"Yes, we had fun with the wordplay back then," Remus commented dryly, but he was smiling, soaking in the nostalgia.

Ever since the battle ended, life had been better than ever. Remus felt a twinge of sadness and guilt that Monica wasn't there, but he knew she would have been pleased to know she helped make things better in the world.

When it was announced that the battle was over, that Harry was alive and Voldemort was dead, celebrations broke out everywhere. The first thing Remus did was look for those he loved. When he first spotted Tonks in the crowd, he nearabouts cried with relief. She ran into his arms and he held her for a long time, just savoring the feeling of happiness he felt that Tonks was still here, with him. He knew so many people wouldn't be so lucky.

Tonks and Remus wandered around in the aftermath, helping to heal the mildly wounded and helping to get the seriously injured to a medi-wizard. However, they couldn't contain their delight for long, and soon joined their friends in celebrating the victory. Later they would hear of the fatalities, Severus Snape, Colin Creevy and Charlie Weasley among them, but for the moment they celebrated. They congratulated Harry (who had his arm around Ginny Weasley) and Ron and Hermione (who were not-so-discreetly holding hands) before they went to find other people they knew.

As they walked along the second floor past Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, the ghost came hurtling out the door, floating up to them with a creepy wide-eyed look on her face. "Is it over?" she asked, "because I can feel myself fading away slowly, losing control of some of my limbs, but I need to be sure."

Both Remus and Tonks were confused by the rattled ghost, but they were pretty sure they knew what she was referring to. "Yes, the battle's over. We've won," Remus replied, for he had always felt bad for the miserable ghost.

A grin split Myrtle's face in half while tears simultaneously ran down her face. Myrtle began laughing maniacally, crying "NO! I loved him!" and shrilly screaming "He's gone! I'm free!" in contrast with each other as she fell apart, the pieces falling deeply into madness. She fell to the ground, landing there as she slowly lost her spectral glow and became human, just like Monica had.

Her leg began to spasm and seemed to stop working, the paralysis slowly working through her body as she took up a horrible, screeching chant: "Die, Voldy, die! Die Riddle die! Bleed and die and bleed and die and bleed, bleed, bleed!" Myrtle rocked back and forth on the ground as her body seemed to shut down inch by inch, working from her feet upwards. Tonks' hair transformed from long, blonde and curly to a long, straight black wave as she ran to get a medic, leaving Remus frozen at the horrific sight. He seemed unable to do anything but watch with wide eyes as Myrtle's sanity and life was leeched from her by some invisible demonic force.

Finally, Myrtle began clawing at her chest as she lay back on the tiles, sobbing and giggling in a dreadfully frightening manner, looking at Remus with a broad grin on her face as the light slowly died from her eyes. With her last amount of life, she squeaked out a message, one that chilled Remus to his bones: "The dead tell no tales."

Tonks arrived with the medic a few minutes later and Remus was still in the same spot, looking down at the young girl's sprawled but dead form. Tonks tugged on Remus' arm and led him back to the main level, where everyone was still celebrating. Remus told Tonks to celebrate with friends for a while longer before they left for home, but he himself went looking for Minerva McGonagall. He wouldn't feel like he'd set things right until he knew Monica and (what he took to be) Myrtle's wishes were being heard.

He found Minerva discussing various clean-up options with another tall wizard on the 7th floor, obviously arguing. "That's ridiculous!" she was saying. "I won't be having the dead defiled and thrown in some mass grave, even if they are—were Death Eaters!"

The man was about to rebuke her when Remus stepped in. "It's best not to argue with Minerva McGonagall," he advised. "You've never a hope of winning, I promise you that."

The man just glared as Remus looked to Minerva's slightly-smirking face. "A word, Headmistress?" Remus asked, and she nodded.

"We will bury those who are gone one by one if I have to do it all myself!" she said as a last note before walking away with Remus.

They walked down the hallway as Remus explained to Minerva his needs. "I'm sorry, Headmistress, for burdening you with this," he began. "But I won't be able to sleep at night if I don't believe someone is working on it. I know you'll be very busy, but for the sake of Monica, would you find some way to document how to pass on? Monica's one wish was to make sure that every ghost has the option of moving on if they so chose and I'm just not sure how to go about it. I would be grateful if you could find some way to get it known to the world."

McGonagall looked at him for a moment before she nodded her head slightly. "I can do my best, Mr. Lupin," she replied. "I'll let people know, and make sure it spreads. Now go home with your lovely wife to coddle your son."

And that was exactly what he had done. He grabbed Tonks and went home, where Andromeda was looking after Teddy. They thanked her and coddled their son for the rest of the night, and basically cherished every moment they spent together for the next 11 years.

His son's scoff brought him back to the present. "Wordplay, pops? More like trying to give you away, really" Teddy commented, running a hand through his currently-short-and-neon-green hair. He reclined in the beige tacky floral chair at his parents place, home from Hogwarts for the summer of his 5th Year.

"We were right proper idiots back then, it's true" Remus agreed. "But it really was all for the fun. Besides, they helped me more than I can express. Putting up with their antics and shenanigans is my part of the deal."

The two Lupin men fell silent for a moment before Tonks broke the silence, calling from the kitchen where she was preparing some Remus-made leftovers for lunch, "How's Victoire?"

Teddy lowered his head for a moment, his hair changing to brown. "I don't know," he said honestly. "She seemed like she was really into me, but she's been hanging out with Scorpius all the time lately but Rose said Victoire still likes me and I just don't know! Why does understanding birds have to be so bloody impossible!"

"I've wondered the same thing a time or two in my day," his elder said sympathetically, shaking his head.

"But I won't give up. Victoire is mine; Scorp hasn't got a chance," Teddy vowed, determination in his eyes.

"You sound just like Prongs," Remus muttered, just loud enough for Teddy to catch it.

"Prongs? That's James Senior, right? Albus and James Jr.'s granddad?" Teddy asked, curiously looking at his dad.

"Yes. By the by, I thought you and Scorpius Malfoy were friends," Remus wondered, looking at his son.

"Well, not when he's trying to steal Victoire we're not!" he exclaimed hotly, getting up to pace around the room.

"You're so much like your mum, too. Can't stop moving, the both of you." Remus observed bemusedly, placing a soothing hand on Teddy's arm.

Teddy laughed heartily as he resumed sitting in the chair, still slightly sulking. "Maybe I should just give up. Maybe she's not worth it," he muttered.

Remus studied his son for a moment, reminded slightly of himself when he first met Tonks and wondered if she was worth public ridicule and all the risks. He was just about to reassure his son that it was indeed worth it when Tonks yelled "Lunch time boys!"

Teddy smiled slightly but still looked a bit sad. Remus reached for the photo album, walking to the nearest book shelf (for there were many in their home) to put it away. While his dad fumbled with the album, Teddy spotted an old looking letter fluttering down from one of the other albums. He was reaching down to pick it up when he realized who it was addressed to.

'_Ted Lupin'_, it read.

"What's this dad?" Teddy asked, turning the letter over and over in his hands. Remus looked at Teddy and took it from his hands, turning it in the light so he could see the front. As soon as his eyes lighted on the writing and who it was addressed to, his face went as white as a sheet.

"Oh God," he whispered, sinking into the chair Teddy had just vacated.

"What's going on?" Teddy asked, concerned that his father might be experiencing some pre-moon symptoms (for the next full moon was but 2 days away) or that the letter was a very, very bad thing.

Remus just shook his head, looking into Teddy's currently-hazel eyes as he called "Dora, can you come in here for a moment?"

Tonks walked from the kitchen, bumping into a chair on her way. Rubbing her hip, she went to stand beside her husband. "You are in need of my services?" she asked, smiling at her son. Teddy smiled back, appreciating his mother's uncanny ability to always cheer him up.

In answer, he showed her the front of the letter. "I think fate's trying to give us a hint here, Dora," he whispered as Tonks' face also sobered.

"Yeah, 'suppose it's about time he read it," she agreed, sinking onto the rust coloured red leather couch.

"About time I read what?" Teddy asked, his hair turning orange with his confusion.

"Just read it," Remus said, thrusting the letter into Teddy's hands.

Teddy glanced down at the letter, then back at his parents. After an encouraging nod from them, he opened the crusty old envelope and began to read:

_Oh Teddy,_

_My time is limited, for Myrtle keeps getting the pages wet with her tears and she's the only person I can get to write this blasted letter for me._

_I miss you a lot right now. It's been a long time since I've seen you. I know God can perform miracles, and if I could have just one day with you, that would be my miracle._

_I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, hm? You probably don't remember me, do you? I don't blame you (the last time I saw you, you were still in nappies). When you read this letter, you'll be on your way to becoming a great man like your father is (maybe even greater, but don't let on that I think so). I know you'd have made me proud, had I been around. I hope you've broken at least a few rules at Hogwarts for me. That school's no fun without it, let me tell you. I hope you've been happy with your life so far and have no regrets. But most of all, I wish I could have been there to see it all and got to know you as you grew, Teddy._

_Your father will explain to you who I am, I'm sure, if he hasn't already. And, as I'm sure you know, he'll make me sound better than I truly am because that's just Remus. But if I was to accurately describe myself to you, I would tell you that I am simply someone who cares. I've been friends with your father for 27 years, your mother just 2. But I love both of them dearly, and I'll always be a friend to them and especially a friend to you. Wherever I end up, I'll always be thinking of you and your family._

_I died as a necessity, became a ghost to watch over your fool of a father and since you are reading this letter, I died again for something, someone I care deeply about. Really, I was just a selfish girl who did what anyone would do in the situations she found herself in. That doesn't mean it was easy. It was so hard to leave you, Ted, it really was. Your Auntie Mo-Mo, gone forever. If there's one thing I regret, it's getting to know you just to have to rip myself from your life before we could ever truly get to know one another._

_I was frozen at 17 for 20 years. Trust me, not the most fantastic age to be stuck as. You can also trust that I know a thing or 2 about being a teenager. I know for a fact from watching my friends grow old that life gets better after 20, though I myself never got to live it. It may not seem like it, but for better or for worse Hogwarts isn't all there is, dear._

_To be perfectly honest, I've made some pretty bad mistakes in my lifetime. I've let people take advantage of me and I've done things that were regrettable to perfectly wonderful people. I want to do my best not to let that happen to you._

_Sad thing about life, Teddy, is that it's never easy. As we grow up, we learn that the one person who wasn't supposed to hurt us probably will. You'll have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it gets harder to pick yourself up every time. You'll break hearts, too, so remember what it was like when it happened to you. You'll eventually lose someone close to you and have to fake a smile and say you're fine when you're far from it. Sometimes you'll just want to yell 'cut' and redo the moment. Sometimes you'll wanna announce 'that's a wrap!' and end the show. But the truth is, things change and friends leave and life doesn't stop for anybody._

_The most important thing you need to know about life is that it's all about perspective, darling. You've got to measure your life in the smiles rather than the tears. If there's not enough laughter make some, glass half full, the whole bit. You can think about life and shun the gift you've been given, or you can enjoy it and help make others feel the same. Don't be afraid of living, really living; don't be afraid to take risks and fail. That's what makes life fun._

_The other thing I should mention is love. Whether you've been in love, are in love, or will be in love, it's no matter. Just know that love is always worth it. If the person is amazing, they won't be easy. If they're worth it, you won't give up. If you're ever doubtful, have a look at your parents and remember that their road was difficult, too, but without their sacrifices you wouldn't even be here. And when you feel like giving up for good, remember why you held on for so long in the first place before you decide. Anyone can give up, Teddy. It's the easiest thing in the world to do, to just not care and forfeit the fight. Holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that is true strength._

_When your father tells you about me, you'll understand why I'm so protective of you and why you are the subject of this rush of life advice. For now (I'm fairly sure someday we'll meet again), I'll leave you with my final piece of advice: never fear death, Teddy. Everybody dies, but not everybody lives. Don't be one of those people. Hey, it's not all bad, I should know._

_After all, as the great Albus Dumbledore once said, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure._

_All my love,_

_Monica Matilda Guinevere Devlin_

_(That's Auntie Mo-Mo, to you)_

Teddy looked up from the letter, shoving the letter at his father to read as he sat in stunned and stony silence.

Remus read through the letter, laughing quietly at some points and looking agonized at others. When he finished, he turned the letter over and laughed.

"What's it say, dad?" Teddy asked.

Remus gave Teddy the letter back and he read the short sentence displayed there:

_Remus: Don't shy away from my memory like a kicked puppy. I know that's exactly what you're doing, you silly git, and so do you. Teddy deserves to know who I am._

He looked up and nodded, setting the letter down reverently. He was visibly shaken by the letter, an important relic from a woman he had never met but seemed to know and love him like family. "Well, Mum? Dad? Who is she? Who's Monica Devlin?"

Remus and Tonks looked at each other, nodded, and Remus began.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Monica knew her life was over when she opened her eyes to the purest, brightest light she'd ever seen. _Wow, what a horrible cliché_, she thought, having an internal chuckle about all the stories of 'going into the light' and all that rubbish.

Suddenly, a tall figure seemed to materialize from the light, walking toward her with a lazy but confident stride. His hair was longish and shaggy, and Monica jumped to the first conclusion she could gather.

"God?" she asked incredulously, clearly surprised.

"Not quite, but don't feel bad; I'm told the resemblance is quite shocking," a very familiar voice responded cheerfully.

"Padfoot?" Monica shouted, picking herself up off the white floor and running to him.

"You got it," Sirius breathed as she collided with him, gathering her into a monstrous hug. He swung her around while she laughed and then set her back on her feet.

"So I'm really dead then?" she asked, wanting to be sure.

"Yes ma'am. Let me be the first to welcome you to the afterlife," he said, chuckling as he grabbed one of her hands in his.

"Thank you," she replied joyfully, looking down at herself for the first time. She was in a white, one-shoulder wrap dress that swished as she moved. Her feet were bare and her hair was down, raven curls blowing into her face from an invisible but gentle wind.

"Are you serious?" she questioned, and they both snickered at her unintentional wordplay. "All I'm missing are the wings and I'd be an angel."

Sirius laughed, looking the best she'd seen him look in 20 years, and she took the opportunity to really take a look at him. Her favourite pup was wearing a white button-up shirt that looked quite fetching and beige pants with black converse. But the most surprising element of all was that he didn't look a day over 17, and neither did she. "I don't think God could mistake you for an angel," he replied, winking at her.

"Says Sirius Black, the king of mischief himself," she retorted, twirling away from him to skip across the room or wherever they were.

"This is true," he confessed, wandering over to her and grabbing her around the waist in a hug from behind. None of this was unusual to Monica, as Sirius had always been the most touchy feely of the Marauders.

"So… are you going to explain to me why you don't look 36 like you properly should, and why it's you who's here to greet me?" she asked, breaking loose from him again to walk backwards away from him.

"Is that a complaint?" he accused, hurt in his grey eyes and a puppy dog pout on his face. For every step he took towards Monica, she took a playful step back.

"Of course not dear," she reassured him, smirking.

"Good, because I didn't think you were a liar. I am clearly stuck here at the maximum of my devilish good looks."

Monica shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You haven't changed a bit," she mused, amused but relieved. "However, you avoided the questions. Why?"

Sirius just grinned. In a sudden, dog-like burst of energy, he caught up to Monica and grabbed her hand. "Walk with me?" he asked.

"I've nothing else to do, clearly. And if it means you'll tell me why you're being so bloody cryptic, mate, then yes I will," Monica replied, letting go of his hand to snake an arm around his waist. Sirius flung an arm around her shoulders and Monica reveled in the feeling of buoyancy after drowning in sadness for so long. _Death really is a release, clichés be damned_, she thought, ignoring the though that maybe it was just being with Sirius that was making her feel so free. These thoughts led to longing and painful thoughts of Remus, Tonks and Teddy, but she quickly shushed them. _They're safe and happy now_, she reassured herself, _I did the right thing_.

Monica looked towards the horizon and realized they were walking towards an exact replica of the grounds of Hogwarts, particularly the lake and giant beech tree. She was about to giggle in surprise when she felt her clothes begin to change. Where the white toga styled dress used to be, Monica's Gryffindor uniform was taking shape, black skirt appearing with a white button up dress shirt and grey sweater with her house insignia sewn on. She looked at Sirius and he had changed, too, his Hogwarts uniform taking shape around his elegant frame. Finally, Monica clued into what was happening.

"Are _you_ doing this?" she wondered, looking at Sirius' face (which was actually a tad lower than hers, for he had not yet hit his growth spurt at 17).

"Guilty," he replied ruefully, smiling wide. "The afterlife is what you make of it. I made that white room just to scare you. However, it made my entrance epic, no?"

She laughed as they began walking on the lush green grass by the lake, sitting down against the mighty trunk of the ancient beech tree. "Yes, but don't let that inflate your head more than it already is," she warned, reclining to soak up the bright sun.

Curious as to whether _she_ could change something in her surroundings, Monica looked at Sirius and changed his black dress shoes back into the converse he was wearing before, just by thinking about it.

She giggled, which caused Sirius to release his slightly deep (and if she was being honest, sexy) chuckle. "Merlin, I missed you Mo," he breathed, placing a kiss in her hair. "I'd nearly forgotten how often you make me laugh."

Monica smiled, laying her head against his shoulder. "I missed you too, Pads."

They sat in comfortable silence for some time, just enjoying the atmosphere and each other. Finally, Monica sighed, breaking the silence. "As much as I'm enjoying this, it's just not like you to be this quiet," she admitted. "What's on your mind?"

"Do you want the honest-but-probably-bonkers answer or the somewhat-false-but-acceptable one?" he wondered, crossing his arms.

Monica lifted her head, looking him in the face. "That should be pretty obvious, Sirius. I'd always rather be given the truth than deceived with lies."

"You," he answered simply, shocking her.

"Me? What about me?" she responded, nudging his leg with hers.

"The questions you asked me earlier. I'm trying to find a way of responding to them without royally bludgering everything up," he admitted with a laugh that wasn't quite nervous but not quite confident either.

"Well, how's that been coming along?" She asked, curious as to why Sirius Black, of all people, felt the need to censor his thoughts.

"Not great, to be honest," he said, standing up and wandering over to the water's edge. Monica stared at his back for a moment before she followed suit.

After standing beside her for a few seconds, Sirius laughed. "I can't help but think of us, James and Remus when I'm around here," he said by way of explanation for his laugh. "The 4 of us spend so many summer afternoons here, plotting schemes, teasing Snivellus and staring at the people we fancied."

Monica laughed and, seeing that Sirius really didn't want to talk about anything important, decided to play along. "You and Prongs really were awful to Severus, weren't you?" she thought aloud.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten the part where you became his best mate," Sirius retorted sarcastically, pursing his lips.

"I'm not," Monica assured him quickly. "But he really ended up doing a lot for the Order and making a positive difference by taking a lot of important risks. It must have been difficult for him to be so hated when he was really doing something so great."

"He'll always be Snivellus to me," Sirius declared with contempt, but Monica just smiled.

"I know. I wouldn't have you any other way," she said.

Sirius looked down at his feet and mumbled. "Would you really take me this way?"

Monica, who had been in the middle of dipping her toe in the perfectly-warm water, drew back in surprise. "Beg your pardon?" she asked, not quite believing her ears.

"I just… I don't want you to leave me when Tonks and Remus die, whenever that may be. That's why I came to greet you; so that no one could take you away first. You come to the afterlife at the age in which you truly felt love. You're still 17 because that was when your love for Remus truly became the forever kind of love; when you sacrificed it all for him. James is 15 and Lily is 17, but they don't mind much. Remus will come here probably looking the age he fell in love with Tonks, and Tonks will arrive looking the age she fell in love with him. I look 17 because that was the age in which _I_ fell in love. With you, more specifically," he mumbled, turning away to walk down to the small wooden dock. Monica stared after him, confused.

After some thought, she finally realized what Sirius was trying to say, in his own way: he was lonely. James and Lily were, no doubt, off watching Harry or being lovey-dovey, Remus and Tonks would spend all their eternity together when they entered the afterlife, and Sirius didn't really have anyone else. For a person who was high-maintenance, mischievous, cagey and used to being around people, being alone like this must have felt like eternal punishment, not the afterlife. She hadn't missed the 'love' comment, either. She was just choosing not to think about it for the time being. She was going to need to sort through a lot of emotional baggage before she could reach a stage where she could love again.

Monica smiled sympathetically at the dog-man's turned back, and walked over to where he stood, placing her chin on his shoulder. "Sirius, I'm not going to leave you the second a better option comes along," she whispered, walking around his side to give him a proper hug.

He hugged her back, smelling her hair in that doggy-way of his. "I just—I'm not used to being alone," he replied simply.

Monica broke away from the embrace, holding his face in her hands. "Listen here, you silly nonce," she commanded, looking him in his sad grey eyes. "I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to desert you for Remus because he has Tonks; that's all he's ever going to want is Tonks and I refused to get in the way of that. In a way, we're both in the same boat. You're one of my best friends, Sirius; I can't think of a better way to spend my eternity than with people I love."

Sirius looked back and almost immediately his frown flipped in on itself and turned into a face-splitting grin, his eyes alighting with glee. He began to talk in a fast, energized-pup kind of way, "Really? Because wandering the afterlife alone as Padfoot hasn't been a dream so to speak, and I can only hang out with Lily and James for short periods at a time because sometimes they just can't help themselves and they get a little randy—"

"I get it, Pads, I get it!" She said loudly, trying to keep the images out of her head. "We'll visit James and Lily as often as we can, and Remus and Tonks when they get here (which will, Merlin willing, be much farther down the road), but we'll be together most of the time while I sort myself out, alright?"

Sirius hugged her again, kissing her cheek wetly. "Geeze, Sirius," she exclaimed, swatting him playfully. "Easy on the tongue if you don't mind."

"Sorry love," he replied, tugging on her curls as he ran to the water, changing his clothes to swim trunks as he went. "I'm a tramp at heart!"

Monica laughed, changing into her favourite red bikini as she ran off the dock and jumped in with a whoop, successfully drenching Sirius in the resulting splash/tidal wave. Monica ran back out of the water before Sirius could jump in and reciprocate.

"Right, I'll get you for that!" Sirius yelled, charging into the lake and splashing some water at Monica. She shrieked, running at him and as she tackled him into the water, she began to believe that Dumbledore was right; death really was but the next great adventure.

The End.

Playlist:

One Light Left In Heaven- Blue Rodeo

Someone's Watching Over Me- Hilary Duff

Life Without You- Ryan Tedder

Love the Way You Lie Part 2 –Rihanna featuring Eminem (Better than part 1, in my opinion)

Turning Tables- Adele

The Hammer Holds- Bebo Norman

I Just Love You- Five For Fighting (But Adam Lambert does a really awesome version, too)

Take a Chance on Me- ABBA (every time I hear this song I think of Sirius singing this to Monica and it makes me laugh… picture that and NOT laugh, I dare you)

**AN:** _I'll leave it up to you whether Monica and Sirius got together (In my head they do, but I thought I'd let you guys have some control as I'm sure this story has not gone the way you were hoping/expecting)._

_And yes, yes I know Fred dies and not Charlie. I loved him too much to just kill him, but knew it was unrealistic to expect that out of 9 Weasleys, not one of them died. So I had to pick on Charlie. Sorry! And I also know Tonks and Remus die, alright? And a bunch of other people, probably. But in my world, they don't. End of story ;)_

_Also, don't get alarmed if things change in this fic over the next couple of months. I'm hoping to edit/overhaul the whole thing when I finish the books, make it more realistic and better written, etc.  
_

_Thank you all so much, I love you guys. Please Review, as always. And goodbye until my next fic :)_

_**~AEK**_

_**EDIT: Thank you so much for the reviews guys! Each one of them made me smile and holds a special place in my heart. I worked so hard on this, and I'm glad you guys were touched (special thanks to Kate for saying Monica wasn't a Mary-Sue... I'm glad I succeeded in what I see as a vitally important part of a character... so thank you! A huge honor!). I'm so blessed to have such amazing readers... so thank you :)  
**_


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